Monday, May 16 2011

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DJ Stop the music

You know what really grinds my grill? When I’m out dancing with friends, and a guy comes up to me and grabs my butt.
I immediately feel like telling the DJ to stop the music, telling the manager to turn the lights back on, and sitting said boy down for a chat I’m sure he’s had before. It goes something like this,

“Remember when you were little and you were told not to touch your friends’ toys without asking first. And then you got a bit older and you had to ask for permission to use the family car.
Well, my body is the same. Just because I am out, having a dance, doesn’t mean I came here to be groped and fondled by some sweaty boy with too much attitude and not enough balls.
If you really are someone who thinks they’re good enough to be with me, have the guts to ask me before grabbing at me for my attention.”


And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s only men who do this to ladies, gender isn’t the issue here, it’s about respect, communication and boundaries between people.

Rant over. Scene set.

Let’s talk about healthy relationships, boundaries and personal space.

Healthy relationships are fun and mutually respective. They can be formed with anyone in your life: family, friends, teachers, and other males and females. A healthy relationship can teach you as much about yourself as it does about another person.

So, what’s good for a relationship?


Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Being respectful leads to trust building. You should learn to accept people for who they are, as well as respecting and listening to yourself.


Tell the person how you’re feeling, talk about what’s going on in life. Make sure you are on the same page, if you disagree, that’s ok, but be aware of those differences. In healthy relationships, people shouldn’t lie to each other.


Everyone needs a little ‘me time’ and their own space to retreat to. You should feel comfortable telling the person that you need some time to yourself and retreat to your own bubble. Remember, that it’s not ok for people to touch you in any way without your permission. And you shouldn’t touch some one else without their consent; this includes sexual and non-sexual touching.

These are key elements that lead to strong bonds between people. They’re what societies are based on. If you’re not feeling OK in a relationship, and not sure how to deal, or if you have questions, visit topic pages right here on Tune In Not Out about relationships as well as these great sites Love – The good, the bad and the ugly and The Line.

What do you think? What boundaries do you set? What do you do when they are crossed? Comment below



This post was written by the YEP Crew, a group of young people who aim to address the issue of STIs and BBVs in the community by actively engaging with young people and encouraging them to make safer and informed choices.

Thank you to Student Edge for supporting the development of this blog through the provision on a rather fantastic Goodie Bag.

Becoming a Youth Content Producer

Would you like to see you blog feature here? Check out our Be Involved page for how too.

Image Acknowledgement

DJ Image By WJGS Design under Creative Commons Licence



One Response to “Boundaries – Mine, Yours”

  1. Zoe K says:

    YES, THIS. I couldn’t agree more. There’s this assumption that just anyone can grab and touch you without your permission, and if you react badly you’re ‘over-reacting’ and should ‘stop being a b****’, or whatever other aimless insult. On one hand we’re taught that nobody can touch us without our permission, and then we get things like this happening – or pushy doctors, or overbearing relatives, and is it any wonder we feel pressured to accept unwanted touch and even feel obligated to give our boy/girlfriend sexual favours even if we’re not comfortable with it? We need to start teaching these messages again:

    1.) Ask first
    2.) If they’re not having fun, you have to stop.

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