What happens when the bad stuff lands smack bang on your doorstep or life chucks you a curve ball?
Sometimes I block out everything that makes the world not seem like the great, fantastic world I want it to be. I think I deliberately make myself busy during news time and never seem lose myself in the newspaper. I do all I can to be a positive impact on my friends and family, so I guess you would say I am a positive person who hides from the bad stuff because I just want the good part. To some degree I would wonder do I think I am not strong enough to take all this on – turns out I am strong than I gave myself credit for.
6 weeks ago by partner got diagnosed with Leukemia. A 5pm Thursday phone call turned life upside down and within the hour we were at emergency department with treatment required ASAP – we thought it was the flu. So how have I, we, got through the last six weeks to be sat here now happy, positive, smiling, functioning well as a family and even at work?
Sleep
Although for a long time it was the hardest thing to get enough of and good quality at that, what I did find was when I did sleep my mind moved slower and I focused more on the here and now. Once I acknowledged this I started trying to make more time for sleep.
Love and Trust
Without a doubt, the fact that my partner and I have always had a balanced relationship and tackled most issues together, whether that be finding time for study, raising the kids or working out the bills really helped as there was trust that each other would look out for the other. Individually we are strong but it appears this combined together has made us a force ready for anything. Every step is being done together.
Family
My family lives a 24-hour flight away but have still played a huge role in helping us cope. In fact the time difference has worked at times when sleep was hard to find. My partners family where on the next flight to help with kids, I dread to think how we would have coped if we had politely turned down their offer of help.
Friends
A text, phone call, dinner, shopping, pets fed, wood chopped. Everything and anything helped so so much.
Saying Yes
I am one of those people who would generally say ‘No I am fine’, ‘No I don’t need help’. But early on if people asked what they could do I finally became good at stepping up and accepting. I found this really helped me manage the stress of the situation but not taking it all on by ourselves.
I also realized this made those around me feel useful and allowed them to cope.
Research
I didn’t even know what Leukemia was until an hour after 5pm that Thursday. The one thing I did think, was it was something that sadly happened to others but not us – surely not us. But although getting the facts and asking questions has really helped me, who and where you asked made a big difference – mainly by whether you got the crap scared out of you.
Mr Google doesn’t always bring up the correct information, so I stayed with the doctors, nurses and big oranisations or charities who specialize in the area. I also always checked if my partner or friends wanted to know all my new found knowledge, as not everyone wants info to cope.
Asking questions also can in useful when it can to working our things like Centrelink, time off work etc. I had no idea of what type of support was available to us (we are young so work cover etc had been a bit further down the priority list, holidays were at the top!).
Self Care
Looking after me was vital. If I got sick the situ would have got harder, I guess I am the glue. This made me eat, sleep, take vitamins and even try and take some time out. This has been really important.
Grab the good parts
This is how my partner described the feeling of being allowed out the hospital for a drive!
Who would know that my partner and I could have one of the best days of our 10 years relationship during these few weeks. But hey it is amazing what a 2 house hospital pass spent driving through stunning scenery laughing and chatting can feel like when it felt like it was slipping away during the first hard few days. But this is one of many good parts; the feeling of community and family around us has firmly told us we are not alone in this – how amazing.
We are only 6 weeks into a journey that has quite some way to go as my partner will need a transplant which means moving interstate for 4 months. Although scary the last 6 weeks have set us in good steed. We are grabbing all the good parts, we have all the information we need and have the knowledge we are not alone and if at any stage we don’t feel we are coping quite so well, well for once I will step forward and ask for help.
What about you, do you have any tips on how to copy when life throws a curve ball? Leave us your comments below.
Related Links
Check out these links below for topic pages right here on Tune In Not Out that have on-demand videos, factsheets and real stories.
Thank you to Student Edge for supporting the development of this blog through the provision on a rather fantastic Goodie Bag.
Becoming a Youth Content Producer
Would you like to see you blog feature here? Check out our Be Involved page for how to become a Youth Content Producers
Image Acknowledgement
Feet on doormat by brokewills on flickr under creative commons licence
Happy Dog by BryonV2 on flickr under Creative Commons licence
Definitely, looking after yourself is one of the most important things to do when you’re in a situation like this. If you can’t function, how are you going to help others? The answer is you can’t. You need to look after yourself, and let others look after you too.
If it’s difficult to let yourself relax for a while (which is vital, on top of eating well and sleeping and bathing), find something enjoyable while you’re doing something important. Blast some music while you’re doing something that doesn’t require you to communicate with others. (Dishes, driving to the shop.) Check the news while you’re waiting for dinner to cook. Use a special soap in the shower- or have a candlelight shower! Paint your nails one at a time during the three-second breaks you get from all the trouble. Little things build up, and can ease your mind and body so that you can handle things better. And chocolate. Lots of chocolate.