Tuesday, April 7 2015

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Becoming your own relationship fairy might be the key

I’ve figured it out! The ultimate dating handbook (on sale now in your closest bookstore for only $19.99!), absolutely guaranteed to get you a date who won’t be able to resist your wit and good looks, but will also see that inner beauty shining out. All you need to do is follow 1 easy step, so here it is!

There is no such thing as an ultimate way to date.

I’m not personally a huge dater. My relationships tend to be more I like him, he doesn’t like me or vice versa …. but that doesn’t stop people trying to get involved. I’m all for having a good wingman, particularly if it is someone who knows what I’m looking for in a guy and knows the guy as well, but over the years people’s advice as well as my interactions with the opposite sex (in my case) has made me realise one thing – there is no single way to date someone, or make them fall in love with you. There’s no exact amount of time you are meant to go before you respond to that text, or a particular order in which one person must call the other person first.
Despite this, there are a couple of things that I’ve learnt are really important in a relationships, no matter how you are going to go about it:

1.       Communicate: while everyone will have different ways of communicating (some people prefer to call others, others text, others talk in person), communicate well. Discuss things that are going well, and if you have any concerns, discuss these too (in a respectful way). In particular, pick a mode of communication that is appropriate to what needs to be discussed – if there is a serious issue (or if you need to break up or similar), do this in person rather text/email/Facebook status change. While certain things may be easier to discuss where you can hide behind a phone, it just makes things tricker. If you feel like you are responsible enough to have a relationship, please be responsible enough to respect the other person in this way, which leads us to….


2.       Respect – both the other person and yourself: Respect the other person, and their boundaries. Treat the other person like they are valuable human being in the way you act and talk, both when you are around them and not with them (this goes for any person ever really). Respecting the other person doesn’t, however, mean you can just drop all of your boundaries – these are an important part of any relationships and if any of them are being violated and the other person isn’t fussed, maybe it’s time to reconsider the relationship so that you can protect yourself. Same goes the opposite way – respect their boundaries.


3.       Consider the importance of a relationship: why are you in this relationship? Are you just doing it because you feel like you need someone to fill emotional needs, or because you are willing to invest in the other person as well? Yes, I think its natural for most of us to want to be in a relationship, but if you are only doing it to fix something about yourself, then both of you are probably likely to get hurt.


4.       Consider the opinions of those around you: While I said above that everyone has different views on relationships, sometimes it is important to consider the views of those close to you. If everyone around you is saying that something is a bad idea, maybe it’s wise to consider why.


5.       It’s okay to be single: Being in a relationship doesn’t solve every problem you ever have. Yes, it can be nice to have that person right next to you, but singledom has its perks as well – more flexibility, time, you can be more focused on what you singularly want to achieve etc.


Sorry if I conned you into reading this because you thought I was the magic relationship fairy. Hopefully this has helped clear your head a bit. Relationships can be crazy, tricky, amazing things, because they involve two distinct people and people in themselves are unique, unpredictable and brilliant. Maybe that’s all part of it – working out how to be your own relationship fairy as you go along.

What about you – what’s on your relationship 101 list?


Image Credit: bence fordos @ Flickr


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