Our blogger Zoe gives us an insight into Introverts, Extroverts and Ambiverts

People -  you’ve probably noticed some things about them. I’m not talking about how some people have really odd hair, or how some people need to shower more, or how that person over there has a fascinating accent. No, I mean like how some people seem to be endlessly chatty, while trying to get conversation out of other people is like attempting to squeeze a snake through the head of a needle. Like how some people just aren’t satisfied unless they’ve got a party to go to that week, or how others have probably only been to one party in their entire lives and they just didn’t like it. And how some people seem to spend equal amounts of time with people and by themselves, or those people who have weeks where they have to be with someone, anyone all the time and then they suddenly switch into a certifiable hermit.

There are three types of people in the world: Extroverts, Ambiverts, and Introverts.

Extroverts are people-people.

A stereotypical extrovert loves being around people and hates being alone. They’re the people who hang out in malls, love going to parties, have heaps of friends and if they’re not hanging out with someone, they’re probably on the phone to someone. Extroverts can keep a conversation going for hours and often think aloud.

Introverts are quieter people.

A stereotypical introvert enjoys solitary long walks on the beach, an evening at home with a good book, and dislike crowds of people. They’re the people who chill out in libraries, rarely go to parties and have one or two close friends. If they’re not alone, they’re probably hanging out quietly with someone they really trust. Introverts don’t really like small talk and almost never think aloud.

Ambivert is a mix of the two.

Sometimes they’re an even balance of both extraversion and introversion, and sometimes they go through stages where one day they’re extroverted and the next they’re completely introverted. Ambiverts can be more adaptable than introverts or extroverts, as they have tendencies of both.

Typically speaking, Extroverts get the most enjoyment from being with people, going out to places and generally interacting with their environment and other people. They’re energized when they’re socializing. Introverts, however, get the most enjoyment out of more solitary activities and enjoy their own company. They find social interaction draining, and usually need alone time to recharge after spending time with people. Ambiverts might find socializing more or less enjoyable at different times, or they may find being with people and being alone equally energizing.

Just because these are the ‘typical’ preferences and behaviours of extra/introverts, don’t assume it’s the same for everyone! An Extrovert can be quite capable of amusing themselves alone, and introverts can be astonishingly good at social interaction. Not all extroverts spend every waking moment interacting with other people, and most introverts aren’t loners – many aren’t even shy. Despite whatever similarities or individual variations, sometimes introverts and extroverts find it difficult to get along.

Some extroverts cannot imagine not wanting to spend time with other people, and find it insulting when introverts don’t readily engage in conversation or activities. Some introverts think the idea of always being with someone, talking or doing things, is absurd, and find it irritating and obnoxious when extroverts try to engage them more often than they feel is acceptable. This can complicate all sorts of relationships in the workplace, school, between friends and family, and sometimes an introvert marries an extrovert and neither understand why the other is so different. But all hope is not lost! Most of the time the conflict arises because the two types of people just don’t understand each other – sometimes, they don’t even know that labels such as ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’ even exist! Knowing is half the battle, and simply knowing that there are two innate kinds of people in the world can help smooth interactions.

Tips for interacting with someone who is an extrovert:

• Understand they get energized from outside stimulation – they’re more likely to want to get out and do things, and with lots of people.
• Try not to be annoyed if they interrupt – Sometimes extroverts don’t realize that you’re busy doing something and would prefer to be left alone.
• Tell them gently if you need quiet space – A gentle, ‘Sorry, I really need to get this done, can we talk in a little while?’ is a good way to divert the attention of a well-meaning extrovert
• Understand that Extroverts have a harder time understanding introverts than the other way around – Sometimes extroverts really don’t understand wanting to spend extended periods of time alone, and can be confused about the whole idea.
• If you can, allow your extrovert to ramble – Extroverts often think with their mouths, and while it can seem like they’re taking a long time to get to the point, they’re still trying to process the point themselves.

If you’re trying to interact with an introvert:

• Understand that they get drained from outside stimulation – they’re more likely to want to be somewhere quiet and calm, with few or no people.
• Don’t be worried if they’re sitting quietly – most of the time introverts are quite happy sitting quietly in a corner even if they’re surrounded by people. It’s normal for them!
• Understand that introverts work best without distractions – sometimes introverts just need to get on without interruptions and can get a little testy when they’re busy. Try not to take it personally.
• Understand that introverts need alone time to function – if an introvert is quiet or deliberately doesn’t respond, they probably still really like you, but their batteries are drained! Give an introvert some private time and they’ll get back to you.
• Give your introvert time to think – introverts think carefully about what they want to say before saying it. If they don’t reply right away, they’re probably busy considering what they think and want they’re going to say.

But what about an ambivert?

You can usually get along with an ambivert with the tips above, but sometimes you need these things in mind:

• Ambiverts have tendencies of both – sometimes they just feel like going out, or staying in! Try not to be too irritable if the ambivert keeps changing their mind.
• If you’ve got an ambivert who finds both being alone and being with people energizing, you should still ask what they prefer.
• Understand if your ambivert is a little unpredictable – they have the best (and worst!) of both worlds, and sometimes managing that can be tricky.
• Help your Ambivert feel normal – because most people know about intro/extroverts, and lots fit into that group, ambiverts can feel a bit left out and lost, even though most people have ambivert tendencies. Don’t make them feel weird for contradicting their introverted/extroverted sides – embrace them!

Introverts, Ambiverts and Extroverts are everywhere, and they’re all normal. We all fit into one of these three categories, and we all have tendencies from all three categories. Each category has its own strengths and weaknesses, and the best groups have all sorts of people mixed in so that you have a wide mix of strengths and so you can fill each other’s weaknesses. In the end, we’re all just people – but knowing about our differences can make us all seem less annoying!

Love,

An Introvert

Check out our page on communicating effectively for more info

Image by: Cake Face @ Flickr under creative commons