Tuesday, October 13 2015

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They say it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all. but in some ways I disagree. One of the best things about being young is being able to fall in love fiercely and fall head over heels for a significant other. Those who have been in love before will know how that feels. You are totally consumed with emotions and you crave the presence of the person who makes you feel that way. You almost have a spring in your step as you as so full of happiness and are almost intoxicated on love. But there are a lot of us who have been in love and have experienced the ugly side: heartbreak.

Unfortunately for me I have experienced the ugly side, as I am sure many of you reading this have also. I got involved with the typical guy: handsome, funny, and charming but someone who unfortunately didn’t want a ‘’serious’’ relationship. Now forgive me if I am wrong, but if you are seeing someone multiple times a week, going out to the movies and on dinner dates all the time, that is kind of classified as dating, don’t you think?

I honestly was falling for this guy and I mean I am only human -  it is a bit hard not to develop feelings when you spend that amount of quality time with someone. I was devoting a huge amount of time to this guy, and he made me feel special, but what I didn’t realise is that he never wanted to put a ‘’label’’ on it or make things official. To be completely honest that part left me feeling a bit empty. He made me feel wanted and appreciated when I was with him: he would kiss my forehead and be affectionate, but at the same time I was feeling like he was embarrassed to be seen with me, as he was keeping our relationship quite secretive.

This obviously raised some suspicions within my mind. Was he seeing other girls? Did he just want to keep his ‘’single guy’’ image? Was he keeping things unofficial in case someone better came along? And yet I continued to see him as I enjoyed spending time with him and liked the idea of a chance at a relationship in the future. We got along so well. We would laugh, joke around with each other and genuinely have fun.  But, as my gut knew it was too good to be true. Someone else did come along after a while and what do you know, he broke things off with me. Now, I really don’t like to use the word ‘’dumped’’ as to me it sounds a little like throwing out the garbage, but it was the perfect word to use for how I felt. How can you go from being affectionate and caring with another person and spending so much time with them, to toss them aside and move onto the next girl? With no reasonable apology or warning? I didn’t understand, and I don’t think I ever will. I felt like my heart had been ripped out, and thrown to the dogs to play tug-o-war with. I felt physical pain. And it took me weeks to get over it. But I should have listened to my gut instinct. I will tell you that I have learnt this:

Girls, or guys for that matter. If you are ‘’dating’’ someone and they are having commitment issues, don’t let yourself get too far gone on an emotional scale. If you feel AMAZING when you are with them, but empty from the little things such as when they won’t introduce you as their partner, or are not proud to be seen with you- distance yourself before you become too emotionally attached. As hard as it may be at the time, you will be much better off than you would be if you didn’t act on your gut instinct. Everybody deserves someone who will love and care for them, and someone who will be with you and be PROUD to be with you, not just be with you for the sake of having a temporary girlfriend or boyfriend figure.

Don’t let yourself be someone’s second option. Let yourself find the right person and be their only option.

Heart break not only teaches you how to be stronger, but it shows you how to love wiser.

Jess

Jess is a 20 year old freelance writer living in Sydney’s Northern Beaches. With a severe case of the travel bug, Jess loves to document and share her interactions with the World as she experiences them. She has a passion for the arts and always believes that something beautiful is on the horizon.

Image from flickr https://flic.kr/p/5TX87g under a Creative Commons Licence

Comments

One Response to “The Ugly Side Of Love”

  1. Rachel says:

    Good advice. I would also recommend to anyone who is trying to look after their own heart is to go into the friendship/dating/whatever knowing that people are allowed to come and go as they want. Even if it breaks your heart when they leave. Oh how I wish someone had set me straight about this early on. If you want to protect your heart, then you also need to really know that YOU are the most important person in your life. Why? You are the only one that knows exactly what you’ve been through and what you want. You are the only one who will always be there, trying to comfort yourself and find solutions in the worst times. At first, when you have the attention of that fascinating girl or guy, it feels like you are sooooo important and valued all of a sudden. But think about it, if you have a low opinion of yourself, you will put up with bad behaviour from others – just to get the crumbs of their attention – and if they really don’t respect you – is it worth it? Are you really getting what you want? Start putting self-respect first, and try to only let people into your social life that can match your self-respect (they are out there, but you might have to look for them), otherwise they are draining you. One last tip that I wish I knew earlier, its easier to let people go if you remember all the bad times and pain they cause that you don’t have to put up with any more.

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