Hi everyone. This will be the final installment on my blog series about depression. I hope that what I have written here has helped some people with their concerns and problems – whether it be for a friend, family member, for yourself, or even just to learn more. I love writing and this is such a wonderful way to get my writing out there – by talking about my own experiences and offering some small place of information for those dealing with something I have gone through.

In this post, I’m just going to talk about my own experience a little bit more, and also about how I’m doing now. This is a little hard for me, so please forgive me if my writing becomes a bit disjointed or confusing – it’s the way my thoughts are sometimes!

Finding the beginning, not so easy

The thing is, there wasn’t a specific moment where it all just began. I have a specific moment where I thought I might have depression, and then there’s the moment when my doctor decided to start me on anti-depressants. There’s the moments when I’ve been so low that I just can’t see any light in my life, and there’s the moments where I’ve realized that I really needed help. But, looking back on everything I’ve been through so far, there were moments even before my diagnosis where I was lower than I was ‘supposed’ to be – where a normal sad mood became something much darker and harder to deal with. If I had to give you a specific age, I would say that it started around the time when I was about 14 or 15 years old. It’s hard to say though – at that age, a lot of people go through times of feeling just outright horrible. I merely want to state my experience, and so I guess it’s best to start at the beginning.

When I was first diagnosed, I was going through quite a tough period of my life. My health was pretty bad at the time – I had been diagnosed with about four different illnesses or syndromes (including Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), and I was trying to struggle through my second semester of Uni. Things were pretty bleak at the time for me – I wasn’t getting much enjoyment out of anything at all. I felt devoid of emotion a lot of the time, and then, when I did experience emotion, it was just an overwhelming wave of anxiety and guilt. I reached the point where I was having  panic attacks almost everyday, and I just couldn’t leave the house anymore. Leaving the house meant having to put on a brave face and deal with people, and I just couldn’t do that. I was aware that what was happening to me was fairly pitiful, and that just made me feel so guilty. I would spend days just pacing the back room of my house, trying to talk myself into going outside, getting on a bus, and going to my classes. I would usually end up feeling so guilty that I just sat on the floor crying and rocking backwards and forwards to try and comfort myself, or, alternatively, having another panic attack and trying to teach myself how to breathe normally.

Yes, I needed help. And anti-depressants. were the first step. Then, once I could leave the house again, going to see a counsellor at Uni helped, too. My counsellor helped me to withdraw from one of my units, gave me breathing exercises to help with my anxiety, gave me things to try and stave off the sadness, guilt, and blackness. One of the things she got me to do was to get a journal and write down every negative thought I had about myself as they happened, and note what they were related to. I did this for two weeks. When I went back to see her at the end of this two weeks, she asked me to read them out loud to her. I couldn’t believe the things I was saying to myself every single day. Over time, I managed to change the way I reacted to problems and issues in my life – I was able to meet challenges head-on and deal with them, without the nasty inner dialogue.

At one point my anti-depressant dose was raised, but, eventually, I made the decision to come off of them. I have the utmost respect for people who choose to treat their depression and anxiety with anti-depressants, but it wasn’t the path I wanted to take. I was already on so many pills for my other health problems, and I didn’t want to add to it any more. Even now, when I’m not taking nearly as many medications, I still try to treat my depression by myself, with the strength that I have gained from getting through my ‘break-down’ (as I named it). Check our part 4 of this series for some of the self help methods I have found work for me.

Looking to a positive future

These days, I do still deal with depression. I have many happy days, but, occasionally, I will have a day or two (or more) where I have a ‘depressive episode’. It can be a simple low mood that I can’t seem to get out of, or it can be a violent and sudden return to the days where I sat on the floor of my bathroom, contemplating hurting myself. I am aware that it is more damaging than helpful and there are many other options that can help you at that moment in time and longer. Check out the self harm page here on TINO for some great suggestions for alternatives that can still help you to feel better and move you towards getting the help you need.

By getting help you can become a Ninja of your depression finding the secret weapons that work for you

There is not much more that I can say about my experiences. I have found that it always helps to have some secret weapons up your sleeve to help you get out of a bad mood before it becomes something dangerous – some of mine include: talking to understanding friends, having cuddles with loved ones (physical touch with a loved one is proven to lower anxiety, I believe), drinking tea (I adore tea..), and reading. Exercise is always great, but with the heat where I live right now, I don’t see that happening currently! Going out can also help you to get out of your own head – spending time in nature can reconnect you, breathing fresh air calms you down. Just do whatever you need to so that you can feel capable of DEALING. Life can be amazing.

Well, that’s me done. I hope an expression of my experience has given somebody something to relate to. It’s difficult to write these things, as sometimes it just feels so far removed from who I am. But I know it is a part of me, and I own up to that fact. So, here is my story. And, if you think you need help with your own, don’t hesitate to contact someone. It can be scary, but so amazing.

Happy mental health everyone. J

Find some more info

As well as having a good check around h our depression topic page here on Tune In Not Out, here a few other great sites to check out:

• headspace
• reach out
• RU OK? Day
• beyondblue

Check out the rest of this blog series…

• Part 1: Managing my Depression
• Part 2 : Signs and symptoms
• Part 3 : Reaching out for help
• Part 4: Treatments
• Part 5: Helping someone living with depression

Becoming a Youth Content Producer

Would you like to see you blog feature here? Check out our Be Involved page for how to become a Youth Content Producers

Sometimes it can be bewildering to know that someone in your life is dealing with this and not knowing much about it at all. There is a certain amount of understanding that comes from experiencing the symptoms yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can’t understand if you haven’t experienced them. It just takes a lot of compassion and a bit of research. So, if there’s someone in your life experiencing depression and you’d like to learn how to be of help, I hope this post will give you a bit more of an idea.

It’s a no blame game

Firstly, I’d like to suggest that trying to place blame doesn’t really work. If you’re looking for someone to blame for the way your friend or loved one is feeling, you’re not likely to find a suitable candidate. Blaming yourself doesn’t work either, nor does blaming the person for feeling the way they are. Often depression is just a chemical imbalance in the brain, so finding a person to blame is not really worth the time or effort.

Be the help they need

Secondly, don’t discount your friend’s feelings. Yes, what they’re experiencing may have been diagnosed as depression, but that doesn’t mean that you can just say to them ‘don’t worry, it’s just the depression talking’. Other emotions and thoughts come along with depression – including fear, worry, deep sadness, anger, even feelings of worthlessness. If your friend has chosen to open up to you about how they’re feeling, do your best just to listen, and only offer advice if they ask for it. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve finally managed to open up to somebody, only to be told to ‘get a hobby’ when I wasn’t really asking for advice. Try to gauge what your friend really needs at that moment – be it advice, just someone to listen, or even someone to offer comfort – and do your best to provide it. Sometimes just ten minutes of uninterrupted complaining can be amazing – it helps me get back to being positive and optimistic if I’m able to balance things out with a little bit of complaining!

Do a little research

Doing a little research of your own can really help you to understand what your friend is going through. Look at sites like beyondblue and check out the stuff available right here on tuneinnotout, they have heaps of resources on depression and mental health, which should give you a bit of a deeper look into what exactly is going on – visit the depression, anxiety and stress section to get you started.. Try looking into the chemical and psychological aspects, but also look into emotions and how it all feels – try to put yourself in your friend’s shoes for a little while and see how it feels. All of this will help you glean just how to approach your friend. This research will also mean that you probably come across some quizzes or questionnaires that help someone to know whether they have depression or not – feel free to think about your friend and try and see how many symptoms they’re experiencing. This will also give you an idea of how to help. You will find a checklist factsheet here on TINO that you can go through for when something just doesn’t seem right with a friend of family member.

Check out this video by headspace that gives some insight into what anxiety and depression is plus a second with a girl sharing her story of what it was like to manage depression within the family.

Relate to them

Ultimately, however, you want to relate to your friend on an individual level. What I mean here is that you need to approach your friend and ask what it is they need – try and get them to be open and honest with you (as long as they’re comfortable) about what it is they need. Try not to encourage damaging behaviours like drug-taking or self-harm – these can feel good in the short term, but ultimately they end up making things more difficult to deal with. In terms of self-harm, try not to get angry with your friend if they are hurting themselves, as this can just make them feel guilty and perhaps drive them towards it again. Demonstrate your concern calmly and try and talk to them about why they do it. Understanding can mean a much smoother recovery process.

Support them to seek help

These suggestions mostly come from my own experience of depression, and what worked best for me. I have found that people doing research to try and understand what I was going through made me feel really loved and supported – they wanted to help. Some of my loved ones even researched counsellors that I could see, and supported me through making appointments and finding one that suited me specifically. It was a scary path, and it was made smoother by the support of people in my life. Sometimes having people reach out to you when you’re going through a tough time can mean everything.

Look after you

In this process of course you must not forget about you – you must also take care of your own mental wellbeing and if at any time you are unsure of what to do, or concerned for the safety of your friend ask an adult you trust for some help or contact one of the services listed below for some advise.

Happy mental health to everyone!

As well as having a good check around here at Tune In Not Out at our depression section here a few other great sites to check out to help you help a friend out

• headspace
• reach out
• RU OK? Day
• beyondblue

Check out the rest of this blog series…

• Part 1: Managing my Depression
• Part 2 : Signs and symptoms
• Part 3 : Reaching out for help
• Part 4: Treatments
• Part 5: Helping someone living with depression

Becoming a Youth Content Producer

Would you like to see you blog feature here? Check out our Be Involved page for how to become a Youth Content Producers

Thank you to Student Edge for supporting the development of this blog through the provision on a rather fantastic Goodie Bag.