Image Credit: sjbscotland | Flickr

As a writer (I still get a jolt when I refer to myself as a writer, I wonder if that will ever go away?), I have had my fair share of blocks. A lot of mine are to do with my health, but a lot of them are also to do with my mental patterns and my inadvertently blocking my own train of thought.

Why do we do this? Many people deal with feeling stuck and caught up in the ‘real world’ too much to ever get what they want done. We feel switched off from our true talents, and frustrated. We may even begin questioning whether this is the right path for us, or if we have just deluded ourselves into thinking that we were good at something in the first place.

And what I want to say to that (with my MOUNTAINS of experience) is: WOAH. Slow down there. The human mind is a complex thing, so don’t go trying to make it even MORE complex with troublesome thoughts. If you’re feeling blocked and stuck, the first thing you need to do is ACKNOWLEDGE that you’re feeling that way. Give yourself the space to feel it, rather than trying to deny it or come up with reasons for why it’s happening. For all you know, your current block could just be because your body is fighting off a virus that you didn’t know you had!

And, in the spirit of making space for our emotions, here are a few suggestions I have for getting back into the flow of things.

Switch off

We all know that we consume a lot of information in the day-to-day.  In fact, sometimes we consume so much information that other things kind of get…pushed out of our heads (it’s a scientific fact. …Not really). Important things like breathing properly or drinking more water.
Seriously, though, we consumer so much information each day that sometimes we just feel over-saturated with news and words. Time to switch off from that. Give yourself some time to just relax without needing to turn on the tv, computer, or mobile. Give yourself space to breathe.

Breathe

As I mentioned above, sometimes we forget how to breathe properly. You know a lot of people hold their breath or breathe shallowly while reading emails? Some people even experience an increase in their heart rate whenever they hear a message alert – be it from phone, email, or Facebook. It is important to keep getting that oxygen into our bodies and cleansing away all the tension. So try it! Take ten deep breaths right now, right down deep into your belly (try sitting up straight and resting your hand on your stomach so you can feel it rise and fall).  And when your hear that familiar ding of a new message, try taking that as a little sign to take a couple of deep breaths and reconnect.

Remember

While you’re giving yourself time to wind down and reconnect, try to remember why you started doing the thing that has you blocked in the first place.

For me, I remember that I have always written, and have always felt the most alive and driven when I write. And that’s why, when I don’t write, I end up feeling blocked, stagnant, and kind of melancholy.

Why do you feel drawn to doing this thing? Why do you keep going with it? What about it calls to you? Just give it a bit of thought and get those inspirational juices flowing

And finally…

Cultivate

Sometimes it takes baby steps to get round that block in the road – figuring out the best route can take time.

My recommendation is to cultivate an environment that encourages creativity and movement. Like chocolate milk? Grab yourself a cold glass and take it with you to the computer to tackle that assignment. Got some favourite music? Grab some headphones, get that music on, and get to work. Give yourself the gift of support and care, and let everything come flowing back to you.

At the end of the day, it’s going to be you that gets you back in gear.

Be kind to yourself. Remember where you’re headed and what your dreams are.

Good luck!

Bethwyn

Get visa's sort well in advance

Thinking about travelling to the UK for longer than a couple of weeks? Maybe for a few months or even a few years? I moved to the UK last year and I want to share what I know.

Passport and Visa

If you are planning to work or study, make sure you have a visa. Australians have a few visa options for the UK which makes it fairly easy for us! Passports and visas should be applied for at least a month and a half before travelling. For more information, visit http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk

Travel Insurance

Don’t fall for the “it won’t happen to me” trap. GET TRAVEL INSURANCE. When purchasing, check what each of the policies cover. Some cover the essentials like emergency medical treatment and compensation, others cover the smaller things like delayed flights and lost luggage. Choose one that you feel is best. Not buying travel insurance is one risk you don’t want to take.

Documents and Information

Photocopy three sets of all the documents you think you may need. This includes flight confirmations, insurance policies, hotel bookings, photocopies of your passport and visa etc. Put one set in your carry-on luggage, one set in your check-in luggage and give one set to your parents or other next-of-kin that isn’t travelling with you. It will give them peace of mind and will make it easier for them to help you if you end up in a bad situation.

Money

Have you ever heard of the saying, “don’t put all of your eggs in one basket?” This is definitely true for travelling – anywhere.

Carry small amounts of cash on you and put the rest in various parts of your luggage (e.g. in a pair of socks, in the back of a book etc.). Travellers cheques are useful as they cannot be cashed by anyone but you (I.D. required), and can be replaced if stolen, so you won’t lose all of your money if this happens. Unlike some countries, there are places all over that can cash these for you. You can use your credit or debit card in the UK. If one bank won’t let you withdraw, try another. I found that the bank fee to use EFTPOS is far cheaper than it is to withdraw money from your Australian bank account. If you are planning on working in the UK, consider opening a British bank account. Most banks will give you one, providing you have proof of eligibility to work in the UK and a UK residential address. This made my financial life in the UK a lot easier!

Plane Travel and Airports

The plane trip from Australia to the UK is a killer. It really is awful – but worth it. All is forgotten when you leave the airport and full of the excitement of being in a new place.

I recommend taking the following items in your carry-on luggage to make the trip more bearable.

• Track pants or pyjama bottoms and a comfortable top (change on the plane if you don’t want to wear them to the airport)
• A fresh pair of underwear and socks
• A fresh outfit (it’s nice to have a fresh outfit at your transfer airport)
• A roll-on deodorant
• Face wipes or baby wipes
• Moisturiser (the air in the plane dries your skin out)
• Travel size toothpaste and toothbrush
• Breath mints
• A pillow or head support
• Earplugs
• Alcohol hand wash (to prevent catching a virus from other travellers)

Addresses and Phone Numbers

Take a list of addresses and phone numbers of family and friends. You don’t want to be struggling to remember Nanna’s postal address while you’re on a weekend trip to Paris and wanting to send her a postcard!

Winter Clothes

Be prepared for some cold months when travelling to the UK

If you are planning to be in the UK between November and February, you will need winter clothes, including a coat, boots, gloves, a scarf and a hat. Don’t stress too much about bringing this over in your luggage. There is more available in the UK and it ranges from cheap options to high-end fashion labels. It will also save room in your luggage on the way over.

The “English” Language

I can only talk about England, as that’s where I am. You may have to contend with English-English, Welsh-English, Scottish-English, Northern Irish-English, or all of them! As you will soon discover, English-English has slight differences to Aussie-English. For example, “pants” refers to underwear, “felt-tips” refers to Textas, and “crisps” refers to potato chips. Just when you think you have learnt the entire lingo, you’ll use a word that the locals don’t understand. You’ll then explain what you meant, which is usually followed by laughter at how weird your “Aussie” word was. Try to take the jokes but make sure you dish it back to them – especially when we win the upcoming ASHES!

Last word….

Have fun. Call home often. Force Brits to eat Vegemite. Remember to pack a power point adapter!

Sara

If you have any tips you can add about travelling to the UK, or even any other country leave comments below, we’d love to hear them.

Either way you are not alone.

Chris Raine spent most his Sunday mornings doing the later every week until he decided he might try aiming for the first options more often by taking a break from drinking and so the project Hello Sunday Morning was born.  Now thousands of people across the country and are taking the Hello Sunday Morning challenge to take a short break from drinking alcohol, giving them a chance to sit back and see if alcohol plays a role they are happy with in their lives.

Now it doesn’t mean you will be T-Total for evermore, but for many who take on this Hello Sunday Morning challenge (called HSMers) they start to do more with those hangover free days, still have a great time out with mates and realise their confidence still shines schooner free. Then when, and if, you do start drinking again you will have the insight from your own personal experience to make choices that best suit you.

Founder and CEO Chris Raine sums this process up wonderfully “It’s easy to get swept up in a drinking culture. Every now and then we need a rope to pull us back to dry land. Hello Sunday Morning is that rope.”

Taking on such a task alone is not easy, so if this Sunday morning you want to make a change, head to www.hellosundaymorning.org and sign up. Once signed up you get the opportunity to create a diary blog about your experience and get support from the HSM community.

As an added bonus, on average the amount of money a HSMer saves over a 12 week period is $1200.

Want to know more the check out their intro video – oh and Hello Sunday Morning – go make it a good one.

Image Credit: Leonard John Matthews | Flickr

In this blog Xin takes a look at how a mental health label can impact on you and how others perceive you, sometimes this can be helpful, and other times we have to take a moment to look beyond the label given.

I recently wrote a blog article on the power language has of shaping the world. But I’d like to have a closer look at a more specific way that people can unwittingly limit other human beings, or worse, themselves.

In the very first verse of the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu says that if you can name something, you limit it in the naming. For example, if I think of someone as a “cleaner”, that’s all I’ll ever see them as. Yes, they clean things, but I’m excluding all the other dimensions of their person, and all the other kinds of relationships I can have with them. No person can ever be described with a single label, yet often that’s how we operate as a species to make sense of this overwhelming world we live in.

Life is too complex to understand every aspect of every idea and object – if we’d try, our brains would explode, especially as children who have little structure for organising their knowledge. To make it easier to process this incredibly complicated world, we divide things into bigger and broader categories. For example, a two-year-old might think that all things with four legs and a tail can be described as “dogs”- it’s only as they grow up and process more and more information that they start to differentiate into smaller and more specific categories. Schemas (for that’s what such categories are called) are a useful and necessary function for humans to organize their knowledge of the world. But they can be extremely unhelpful and limiting, especially when applied to people. In particular, I find them incredibly frustrating when talking about mental illness.

Recently I was diagnosed with a mental illness (though I struggle to use even such a term as that – I think the word illness implies a sickness that needs to be cured. I prefer to think of it as a characteristic of my personality that’s neither good nor bad, but helps make me who I am). Let’s say I have schizophrenia. Are you concerned that I’m delusional? What if I said I had depression – would you be worried about my emotional state? How about bipolar? Multiple personality disorder? I haven’t changed at all, but has your opinion of me?

Once you read the label - will see anything other than that? Image Credit: Mrs Magic | Flickr

It is the automatic reaction of most people to think differently of a person just because they are aware of the label. This prejudgment is a totally understandable and necessary function of human understanding. Psychologist David Rosenhan used this to his advantage by conducting a study where several of his students submitted themselves to psychiatric wards by pretending they could hear voices, that they were delusional and other symptoms of schizophrenia. Once they were admitted, they stopped pretending they were mentally ill and behaved as normal, and they waited to see how long it would take before the staff let them return to the community. They stayed in the psychiatric ward for nineteen days on average before they were finally allowed to leave.

When one of these psychiatric hospitals discovered the hoax that had been played on them, they were outraged. They put a challenge to Rosenhan to send out as many actors as he liked, and they would correctly identify them in order to prove that they were accurate in their diagnoses. Over the next few weeks, the hospitals identified several dozen people they suspected could be accomplices in his experiment. When the time came for him to reveal how many pseudopatients he had sent out, he surprised them all by saying “Zero.” The hospitals had been unable to tell whether their own patients were mentally ill, or ordinary people with ordinary problems.

I need to clarify at this point that I’m not saying mental illness isn’t real. For many people, there are serious and recognisable symptoms that indicate they are struggling with issues perhaps beyond their control. Many of these people will find their lives improved with treatment, psychological, psychiatric, or pharmaceutical.

But I know from my experience of the mental health field that having a mental health diagnosis can be extremely limiting. If a medical professional is reading your medical file and they see “depression” on there, it’s quite likely they’re going to treat you as if you’re a depressed person. Or a neurotic person. Or a potentially psychotic person. Worse, colleagues, acquaintances, employers and friends can start to treat you very differently if they discover that at one point in time, one person once described you with a mental illness label.

Don’t get me wrong, diagnoses can be tremendously helpful. In my case, I was so relieved to realise that the quirks that make me who I am, but also cause a fair amount of distress in my life, are partially attributed to a mental health disorder. But I also don’t want to be bound and limited by the nature of my disorder, and I certainly don’t think of myself as ill. I’m exactly the same person, but now I’m more aware of my nature and I’m better able to care for myself as I relate to my disorder.

I’m exactly the same person, but now I’m more aware of my nature and I’m better able to care for myself as I relate to my disorder.

In my personal opinion, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM – the massive book that mental health workers use to diagnose and differentiate mental illnesses) is far too big. It gets really, really specific about symptoms and diagnoses, to the point where normal human behaviour might be interpreted as a sign of mental illness. For example, if a person has been grieving for more than two weeks, it might be justifiable to say that they have major depressive disorder, even though what they’re experiencing could be perfectly natural.  The DSM is remarkably useful, but only to a certain extent – after a while, I think the boundaries start to blur. Trying to separate and categorise the broad spectrum of the human condition into a manual of illnesses just doesn’t work.

Having said that, I also acknowledge that some mental illnesses really do benefit from being treated as if they were illnesses; medication can make a huge difference to people’s day-to-day lives, so if you have a mental health disorder and your medical professional has prescribed you something, don’t stop taking it. If it helps you, do it. If it doesn’t help you, find something that does. Again I stress, if you’ve been advised to do something by a mental health professional, don’t just stop doing it because of something you read on the internet. But really take a good hard look at your relationship with whatever diagnosis has been applied to you. If you think your current treatment might be improved by more socialising rather than more pills (or whatever the case may be), ask your mental health worker to give it serious consideration. People are human, even the ones it labcoats, and there’s a startlingly high rate of misdiagnoses in the mental health profession.

So if a label helps you understand and relate to yourself, that’s fantastic.
But if you don’t think a label suits you, don’t let it define (and therefore limit) you.

Above all, remember that you are a person, not a disorder.
You are exactly as much as you think you are, no more, no less.
So whoever, wherever you are, be the best person you can be.

Xin.

Thanks to Xin for another great post. If you would like to see your blog published here contact us as we on the look out for some new youth producers to join our team.

Image credit: liquidnight | Flickr

Language shapes the way we see the world. When we are infants, we have no way of articulating the overwhelming flood of stimuli we are experiencing. As we learn to speak, we start to categorise the world into easily-understandable groups. We understand “dog” refers to the small things with four legs, “tomorrow” is the day after today and so on.

In a way, this limits the way we can perceive our world. It is difficult to imagine an idea that cannot be explained in words, but they exist- we have billions of them every day. But when we try and communicate them, when we try and put words to thoughts, we narrow what we’re experiencing. For example, if I were to try and tell you what these spiced peanuts taste like, I could throw dozens of words at you and still not adequately convey the taste. I might come close, but it would be a poor shade of the experience.

French philosopher Michel Foucault believed that language is the foundation in which we interpret information. This is why learning multiple languages can enrich your understanding of the world. It may seem obvious, but there are some words which cannot be perfectly translated into English. For example, I might try and describe the Japanese concept of “zanshin” to you as “a state of being totally relaxed yet totally aware of your surroundings, prepared to receive and respond to whatever circumstances life may offer you”. You could read all zanshin on Wikipedia or through hundreds of pages in books, but no matter how many English words you use, no other phrase describes “zanshin” quite so well as “zanshin”. And this is just one of an infinite number of examples.

So what’s my point in all this? Language has tremendous influence on how we understand and perceive the world (including our life circumstances and ourselves). And it is my firm belief that using certain words colours our perception of life in an unhelpful way.

Ban the word should

If I could ban one word in all of the English language, I would ban the word should. Why do I consider this the worst word in the entire world? Because “should” is loaded with implications of guilt and envy, and limits the possibility of change. It almost always sets up the speaker to think in a negative frame of mind, even if they don’t realise it. Let’s look at some examples.

Should or could you be doing the dishes? Image credit : alfstorm | Flickr

Example 1:
“I should be doing the dishes”.

If you should be doing the dishes, it means that the dishes are more important than whatever you’re doing, and that because you’re not doing them, you’re wasting time or focusing your efforts on the wrong priorities. Such a statement is laden with potential guilt, and guilt can be paralysingly unhelpful. Imagine if you replaced “should” with the word “could”: “I could be doing the dishes”. Such a phrase is comparatively full of hope and possibility, rather than guilt and judgement. You don’t have to do the dishes if you don’t want to, but if you so choice, that would be one way that you could spend your time.

Example 2:
“You should have called me”.

If someone should have called you, it means that you believe that you were more important than whatever else that person could have been doing, and that it was a personal failure on their part not to find the time to contact you. Regardless of the reasons, “should” is loaded with judgement and limitations, and is almost entirely negative in its associations. What if instead we used the phrase “I wish that you had called me”? It does not inherently imply that the person you’re talking to did something wrong by not calling you. It is a polite and respectful expression of your desire to receive a call, rather than the blame-laden “you should have called me”. The former invites explanation and conversation, the latter, defensiveness.

Example 3:
“I should have won that competition”.

“Should” here implies that you deserved to win, and something or someone (who did not deserve to win) took that victory from you. Such an implicit attitude refuses to accept the circumstances of life which are beyond the speaker. Perhaps the person didn’t win because of the heavy wind, or the uneven footing, or a lack of sleep, or some factor they had no control over. Using the word “should” implies that these forces of nature got in the way of the person’s deserved victory. It is almost as if a person is saying “My life isn’t good enough. It should be better. I deserve better things to happen to me, and I am frustrated that I am not receiving them.” This kind of thinking is disastrously self-pitying and leads nowhere. Changing the phrase instead to “I would have love to have won” has no such assumptions of life. Although it still might imply disappointment, it does not so readily imply bitterness, and contains the hope that things might turn out differently next time.

I’ve stopped using the word should in daily conversation. At first I was surprised how often it came up – I would use it several times a day without thinking. But after I really started paying attention to what I was saying, more and more often I found ways of getting around the dreaded “S” word.

Try it for yourself, and let me know what changes you notice in your outlook on life!

Xin

Image credit: animm | Flickr

I studied for about eighteen consecutive years before I decided that I would take some time off. Study had been all I’d ever known, and for the most part, I was pretty good at it. But in my fourth year of my degree, I realised that (for various reasons) I was no longer passionate about studying, and I didn’t know whether I wanted to continue with the course I was taking. So I took some time off to think about it, and things were great: I went travelling, I played video games for eight hours a day, I spent heaps of time with my girlfriend and I enjoyed the pleasures of not having to do anything in particular all day. It was like an extended holiday!

But that was the problem; holidays are meant to give you a temporary break from study/work. They’re that short reprieve meant to recharge you so that you’re ready to head back into life and give it another crack. (I fancy that’s the idea behind the five-day working week and the two-day weekend.) In the same way that you can’t understand cold without understanding hot, you need work to appreciate rest. Oswald Chambers said it well, as illustrated in the following comic.

Might wear thin if you had 24/7 access. Image Credit: Superkimbo

For most of us, holidays are not meant to be the norm. All that rest and relaxation was great at first, but after a couple of months, I started getting bored. Not just idly bored, but seriously, desperately bored. I found that I didn’t enjoy video games as much (an unthinkable occurrence for me), that I felt restless even when I was with my girlfriend, even when I was training in martial arts for hours every day, and that nothing really got me excited anymore. The boredom and dispassion soon became the focal point of my life, and I became quite obsessed about how desperate I was to do something meaningful with my time. I had no idea what that meaningful activity was, and most of my feeble attempts at discovering it were no more than distractions from how frustrated I was really feeling.

Long story short, it’s still a process I’m working out as I go a long. But I’ve learned a crucial lesson, which I am compelled to pass on to anyone who is experiencing unemployment: find something that matters, and do it. You need to do things that are meaningful to you every day, in every moment. What you find meaningful is up to you, and is something you can actively choose: if you find watching every episode of a TV series is a great way to spend your time, then do it. But if you’re only doing it to pass a few hours, I suggest you find something better to do.

As I said before, I have always operated on the assumption that there is nothing I enjoy more than playing video games, but even chocolate can lose its flavor if it’s all you eat for weeks on end. Let go of all your assumptions of the things you think you enjoy, and really ask yourself what you want to do, right at this moment, no matter how ridiculous it is. And go do it! Take a walk for no reason. Read your favourite book for the umpteenth time. Learn Spanish off the internet. Just free yourself to really enjoy your time, not just survive from day to day. Mindfulness (which I’ve spoken about before) is an excellent way to draw richness and appreciation from life’s many experiences. Furthermore, being able to bring your mind back to the “right here, right now” is an important skill in not getting caught up in the unhelpful cycles of anxious or depressive thoughts.

But as well as enjoying daily life, moment by moment, I encourage you to use the time to grow and nurture yourself to be the best person you can be. Something I’ve done for this is spending time every day doing a “morning ritual”. I practice t’ai chi, meditate for a while, write affirmations, drink tea and/or read books on spiritual development, philosophy or self-improvement. I spend time trying to get to know life, myself and the human condition a little better. It’s been time well spent, and I fancy that I’ve observed that over the past year or so I’ve matured and expanded my understanding of existence in a profound way.

There are heaps of volunteering opportunities - blogging for TINO is one too! Image Credit: UWS Comm Arts Students | Flickr

Something else I’ve just started is volunteering. This is an activity I’d highly recommend to everyone, because as I’ve said before, giving to others feels amazing, especially if you’ve got nothing better to do with your time. I wasn’t too sure where to volunteer at first, but I was eating lunch at my favourite (vegan) café, and it suddenly struck me that they were mostly staffed with volunteers. So I walked up to the counter, asked if they needed a hand, and organised a time to come in next week to give it a shot. If volunteering is something you’re interested in, try and find an area of life you’re passionate about. Maybe your school needs a hand, or perhaps your local council is organising a day of tree-planting or picking up rubbish. If you have no idea how to find start, hit up Google for volunteering opportunities, go through your phone book and call a jobseeking agency, or speak to your school/uni’s career counsellor.

The important thing to do is not resign yourself to doing nothing all day, every day. Get up in the morning, get dressed, and face each day with the attitude that anything could happen. And if you’re ever tired of being in that perpetual state of holiday, getting a job is a great way to improve your life and mental health. But more on that another time…

Xin

Image credit:doug8888 | Flickr

So where are you? Are you in high school feeling the pressure of having to think about what career you have to choose before looking at university courses? Or are you at uni and having second thoughts about the course you chose? Maybe you dropped out or just finished a degree and are unsure of what to do next? Maybe you skipped uni altogether?

Well, let me tell you something. Wherever you are, whoever you are and whatever you’re doing. It’s okay. You don’t need to have an answer for everything right now. Most people go through their whole lives without knowing what it is that they REALLY want to do. It’s okay that you don’t know right now. Most young people don’t have a clue. You just want to have fun right? Yeah, me too. But wouldn’t it be awesome to wake up everyday and go to a job that doesn’t feel like a job, but instead feels like you are just hanging out with your mates and doing what you enjoy? It would be great wouldn’t it.

Before you can get that dream job, there’s a few things that you need to do…

Learn to love yourself

Image credit: rdy4ever | Flickr

Yeah, yeah , yeah. I know what you’re all thinking! “Love myself? I don’t want to be stuck up!” But hey! That’s not what I mean so calm down! When I say that you need to learn to love yourself, I mean you need to learn to love what’s INSIDE of you as well as outside of you. Young girls (and boys) spend more time in front of the mirror these days then they do looking after what’s inside of themselves.

Do yourself a favour. Give up the junk food! No more ice cream, chocolate, take away foods or soft drinks! Why? BECAUSE IT’S BAD FOR YOU! If you eat bad food then you’re going to feel bad. It will not only effect your waistline but also your overall health and that thing inside your head called a brain (I know you all have one but some people just don’t use it).

Think about the old saying “You are what you eat”. It’s more true than you thought. When your body generates new cells in all your organs to keep you from drying out like a prune in a sauna, guess where it gets those new cells from? Your food! So you literally become what you eat. Now do you want to be a burger dripping with oil or a fresh garden salad that not only looks good but tastes delicious? It’s simple really. Eating bad food = feeling sluggish, tired, unwell and even depressed whereas, eating good food  = feeling energetic, healthy and vibrant.

Image credit: helloroad | Flickr

Don’t forget to drink plenty of water too. If giving up sugary drinks is hard then invest in a juicer and make your own juice at home. It’s a great way to start the day or fill your rumbling tummy between meals. You get the sweetness of natural sugars as well as all the beneficial vitamins and minerals needed to keep your body going.

Another thing that makes you feel great is exercise! I know it sucks sometimes. I’ve never really liked exercise so I look for things that are fun and then I forget that I am even exercising in the first place. Yoga is a great way to relax and stretch out your muscles after a long day or as a great energiser to start your day – you can even do Yoga online these days. Running around the park or on the beach with the family dog is beneficial for both you and the dog (which will keep mum happy) and swimming with mates at the pool or beach is awesome fun. Just remember to protect your skin with sunscreen.

When you love yourself by looking after yourself then you will feel amazing! But don’t expect it to happen overnight, it takes hard work and will power but trust me.. it’s definitely worth it!

Stop caring about what others think of you!

Image Credit: Doug8888 | Flickr

Seriously. Stop trying to impress everyone, it’s wasted time and energy because deep down it doesn’t matter. So what if that girl thinks your a skank because the cute guy in your science class wanted to be your partner and not hers. She’s just jealous! And you know what? It’s her problem not yours. What other people think of you is none of your business. It’s what you think of yourself that matters most.

Stop spending three hours in front of the mirror doing your hair and make up every morning and use that time to get more sleep because you’re tired from staying up on Facebook all night or find a hobby! Get up early and go take photos of the sunrise and the wildlife in your own backyard to improve your photography skills or go for a walk and breathe in the fresh morning air. Start taking note of how you feel on the inside instead of how other people make you feel. When you wake up in the morning and feel the need to look in the mirror stop pointing out the flaws. Look yourself in the eyes and say “I love you. You are perfect in your own way.”

And please stop judging other people too. Treat people how you would like to be treated. Don’t tell your friend that the new dress she loves makes her look fat. Would you like it if she said that to you? No you wouldn’t because it’s mean. You should just be happy that she is happy. It’s not hard to do.

Focus on what you love!

Image Credit: Edikenkoy | Flickr

Now that your mind is free from all the drama that usually comes with being a young person, you have more time and energy to spend doing what you love. Go get a part time job so that you can pay for the art class you want to do or sit down and write the bestseller that’s stuck in your head. Learn to meditate to calm your mind (Bethwyn wrote a great earlier post about some great meditation tips to try help keep calm, check it out). And spend time finding your passion so that when you don’t end up stuck behind a desk for 40 years hating your life.

Get out there and make something of yourself. Be inspired and inspire other people. You are amazing, start showing it!

Love Goose x

Image credit: Topeka | Flickr

In today’s blog, Skye asks how do you feel about your body image and reports on a survey she undertook amongst her peers about body image.

First of all, what is body image?

Is it the way we see ourselves? The way we feel about our body’s appearance? The thoughts and beliefs we have about our image? Or is it the things we do because of the dissatisfaction we have with our image? Many people today believe that there is just one answer, but reality is… its all of the above. Body image is how you perceive, think and feel about your own body and the things you do to change them. This is a HUGE issue in today’s society as teenage girls are comparing themselves to the images seen on the front cover of magazines.

This type of comparison can lead to both mental and physical problems, but for what? To be unhealthy, underweight and have no self worth? After recent studies of females between the ages of 16 – 18, I have found that 96% of females surveyed stated that images they see affect their personal body image, with 77% of these females having dieted, harmed or even become psychologically damaged due to viewing the images.

Most teenage girls in the society we live in today know about photo editing, airbrushing and digitally enhancing models to make them look the way they do, yet they still become effected and see these as ‘ideal’. As quoted in one of my surveys “There is no such this as ‘ideal’. Each person looks they way they are supposed to due to different backgrounds and cultures. People are beautiful in their own way and as long as they are happy and healthy, ‘ideal body image’ is irrelevant”. The images are unrealistic and even dangerous as majority of these models meet the criteria for anorexia nervosa and can lead to other issues such as bulimia which can shorten life span or even damage a woman’s body so much that they are unable to have children.

The Australian Government has produced a ‘voluntary industry code of conduction’ for body image which provides national guidelines on ‘body image friendly’ practices. This conduct includes 7 principles outlining positive content and messaging to ensure impact becomes as minimal as possible. To read more on this conduct click here.

Being aware of these media issues will help you to understand both yourself and the type of pressure that is put onto you, resulting in a more positive outlook. It is hard to live in such a society that is continuously portraying an unrealistic image, but just remember… you are you for a reason.

Skye

For further information on topics covered in this blog visit our topic pages

• body image
• eating disorders

Is it OK to reach out and ask for help. Yes, yes, Yes. Image credit: Dave77549 | Flickr

In today’s post Xin takes us on a personal story exploring the question is it Ok to see a counsellor. He explains the simple yes, yes, yes in a personal and insightful way.

I had a pretty bad time in high school. Without going into details, I was bullied, I knew what it was like to be hurt and alone, I felt angry, sad, and eventually I felt nothing. I was not okay, and I knew I was not okay, but no one else seemed to care. None of my friends were willing to really open up to me. It was like I was drowning and I was surrounded by people in boats, but none of them were willing to risk reaching out to me.

Yet despite everything I was going through, I didn’t want to talk to any adults about it. I was smart, I was strong, and I could find a way to deal with my problems on my own. But despite my strength of will (I believed that I was strong enough to carry the burdens of other people as well as sort out my own shit), and despite my intelligence (and knowledge of psychology), I was barely coping. And for a while, it was enough. I was functioning as an ordinary student, going through the motions of what it meant to be alive. But day by day I was getting more frustrated, more hurt, more estranged from my peers. What little comfort I found online was barely enough to sustain my will to live.

And then one day, quite by accident, I saw Diane. When I was late to school one day, I wrote “moribund” as my excuse on the sign-in sheet. Moribund means “at the point of death” – I was trying to be cheeky, making it sound as if I had been sick and just needed a little extra time to get ready in the morning. The Head of Year 12 did not find it funny, and she strongly encouraged me to see the school counsellor even though I insisted nothing was wrong.

Seeing a counsellor doesn’t mean you can’t cope

Thank God for that. Diane was the lifebuoy to the drowning man. She was smarter than I was (something I considered impossible), joyful, and fit, funky and fun. To start with I was cautious about opening up to a stranger. As a psychologist, I feared that she could psychoanalyse me and strip away all my defence mechanisms, leaving me vulnerable and hurt. But it was nothing like that. She was so non-judgemental and so friendly that I soon realised I could tell her anything. And tell her I did. Not only would she listen to everything I wanted to say, she really, genuinely wanted to help me learn to enjoy life.

At first I was loathe to admit that I needed help – I was so determined to survive it on my own – but I’ve come to look at it another way. I no longer consider it a sign of weakness to want help – everyone has problems, and seeing a counsellor doesn’t mean you can’t cope, it just means that you don’t want to cope alone. And why would you? If you’re carrying a boulder down the road and someone comes by with a wheelbarrow, what do you gain from stubbornly clinging to your rock when help is right next to you?

I started seeing Diane every week, partially to get out of classes I didn’t like, but mainly because I could talk to her about life, psychology and my problems. We talked about all kinds of things, and it felt so wonderful to have someone I could open up to and still be accepted. She helped me gain a new perspective on my problems that allowed me to cope with them more easily. She gave me practical advice for how to deal with certain feelings and certain people. She made me laugh, she helped me understand myself, and she respected me for who I was.

Finding the perfect fit counsellor for you

It might take a few visits to find the counsellor with the right fit. Image credit: brododaktula | Flickr

Yet despite all that, I was never really fully satisfied with her as a counsellor. I learned over the years that counsellors are not flawless examples of the human condition, immune to pain or problems. They’re people, just like you and me, and they’re trying to help others in their own unique way. As a result, you’re probably not going to click with the first counsellor you see. I saw three different counsellors during my first year of uni until I found the one that I felt cared about me, understood me and could help me in the way I wanted to be helped.

I remember calling the Kid’s Helpline one time, talking for less than a minute, then hanging up because the person on the other end was rubbish. So if you have a bad experience, don’t give up on getting help, just try again, either at the same place with a different person, or somewhere completely new. (As it happened, I called the Kid’s Helpline back later and had a really great chat with someone different.)

You don’t have to be desperate or crazy to want to see a counsellor, it just means that you’re willing to hear a fresh perspective on whatever’s going on for you at the moment. The psychologist that I’m seeing now has, within a few minutes, understood problems that have confounded me for years. She has provided me with perspective that I wasn’t able to get, despite all the time and effort I put into trying to figure it out on my own. Sometimes an outside view, particularly one that’s trained in understanding the mind, can be invaluable and help you with problems you didn’t know you had.

There are plenty of good reasons to see a counsellor, but this one stands out most for me: I am happier now than I ever thought I could be. I am learning to let go of things that no longer serve me, and to accept outrageous and unreasonable amounts of happiness into my life. Not all the time (it’s still early days yet), but with each passing day I am learning more about myself, more about my approach to life, and more about how easy it is to let go of things that don’t matter and to just be happy. Seeing my counsellor has allowed me to be the happier, healthier person that I didn’t know I could be.

And looking back on my life, it seems outrageous that I could have spent all that time suffering needlessly when help was right there.  It’s like getting a stomach ache, and rather than seeing a doctor, you just struggle on for years and years hoping that your body will eventually heal itself. It’s so easy to get help, and I can almost guarantee that it will save you years of suffering down the track. I know how scary it is to be that vulnerable, but it was the only way to really set my life straight and start living fully. And man, if I can do it, you can do it.

Whether it’s to hear a little advice, to gain a fresh perspective or to get some genuine help with mental struggles, seeing a counsellor is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of accepting more joy, more health and more happiness into your life. So next time you’re feeling a little beat down and wishing you could change, I hope you remember that you totally can.

Keep safe and happy everyone.

Xin

Tips for finding a counsellor

PS: For tips on finding a counsellor, your school, uni or even workplace probably has at least one that you can talk to if you inquire about it. If you don’t have access to a counsellor through such means, try looking up cheap or free counselling services for young people- there are literally hundreds of agencies that can help with all kinds of youth issues.

If none of this is available to you, you might consider seeing a private psychologist. They can be pretty expensive, but you can claim back a lot of what you pay through Medicare. You can find more information about visiting a psychologist through medicare here. The gist of it is this: if you’re experiencing symptoms of mental illness (and you’d be surprised how many of us struggle with potential mental illnesses without realising it, visit TINO’s mental health information section for an idea of what constititues a mental illness), go to your GP and request a referral onto Medicare’s mental health care plan. You can request to see a psychologist you’ve found, or you can get the doctor to refer you to one. Once you’re on the plan, Medicare will pay for a large part of your consultation fee, for six-ten sessions or more depending on whether you need to get your plan renewed. It’s really easy, and saves a stack of money.

For finding support online, TINO has a lot of great resources in the Topics Page. Specifically, the Finding Help section is worth a good look. ReachOut.com has a really amazing support network if you want to join the forums and talk to other young people about what you’re going through. I particularly recommend having a look at Helen’s story. if you’re still undecided about getting help. Headspace has some great resources as well, including an online chat program that allows you to talk to counsellors over the internet. The Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800, free call from most mobiles and landlines) is a counselling service available for anyone up to age 25, and also has online chat facilities. Lastly, if you need to talk to someone right now, you can call Life Line on 13 11 14, available 24/7 for telephone counselling.

Want a balanced life - how are you fairing in these areas? Image by Ian Broyles | Flickr

TINO has a really great Topic page dedicated to health and wellbeing. It talks about some ways to live and be healthy, and I recommend the factsheet by Reach Out which you will find on the page in particular. But there’s more to being healthy than just diet and exercise (though those can’t be overlooked). I’m sure there are dozens of models you could try to follow, but for me, one stands out as most helpful to live a balanced life.

Someone once told me that there are five areas of balance in life. No matter what’s going on in your life at the moment, if these five areas are being looked after, then things in general are better. If things aren’t going so well, the sharpness of the suffering is buffered because everything else is so good. If things are going well, then you positively vibrate with the happiness and joy of how good life can be. I often reflect on how balanced my life is, and whether I’m having my fundamental needs met. It definitely works, so try it out for yourself! The five categories are:

Food

I’ve already written plenty about the importance of eating healthy  and eating well, but it’s really important to put nutritious food into your body. You can only give as much as you put in, so if you want to be a healthier person in mind, body and spirit, a healthy diet does wonders for improving general health. Normally when I’m feeling crap I’m tempted to buy a big bucket of hot chips, but I’ve found that eating them normally doesn’t change my mood, and my stomach hurts afterwards giving me something more to be grumpy about. Even if you don’t feel like it, try eating well and notice the difference it makes in your life.

Exercise

Naturally, exercise is hugely important to keeping healthy and balanced. I almost always feel fantastic after I exercise, so I recommend doing it every day if you can! Go for a walk, or better yet a run whenever you get the chance! Not only does it keep your body fit, it does wonders for your mood by burning stress chemicals and releasing endorphins. Plus joining a sporting group is a great way to meet some excellent people, which segues nicely into my next point…

Social

Human beings are social creatures, and it’s important for us to be with the people we care about. Going for months without seeing a friend can be sucky, but going for months without seeing any friends in a fun setting can be exhausting. Make sure to schedule in time to see the people that are important to you!

Relaxation

Resting and doing something you love is really important. I’ve had plenty of time on my hands lately so I tend to spend quite a lot of time doing this one (I’m probably a little out of balance here, hehe), but even during times when I’ve worked full-time, plus a casual job, I’ve always made sure I’ve had enough “me-time” throughout the week.

Sleep

Not sleeping like a baby? Try some of Xin's tips. Image by Sean Dreilinger | Flickr

So many problems come from being tired. Think about it- when was the last time you saw someone who was fully refreshed, yet still grumpy? If you get a good eight hours sleep, life is so much better. Some people need a little less, some people need a little more, but I’d generally advise to get as close to eight hours as you can. Although sleeping twelve hours can sometimes feel great, doing it day after day can leave you exhausted. Conversely, sleeping only six hours might save time, but it doesn’t give your body and mind enough time to heal and rejuvenate.

Here are some tips for getting a good night’s sleep:

• Hide your alarm clocks. Waking up to stare at the clock is unnecessary and usually unhelpful. Set your alarm if you have to, but turn the clock the other way so that you don’t watch the seconds tick by.
• Sleep and wake at consistent times. Although it’s hard to get into good sleeping habits and you might find yourself lying awake for ages, set a bed time and stick to it. Eventually your body’s circadian rhythm will adjust until you get into a regular pattern of sleep.
• Don’t have lights or sounds in your room. Even little things like LED clocks can distract you, and as your brain is trying to process the stimuli (“What’s that light? It can’t be a star. Is it dangerous? Better stay on mild alert all night, just in case…”), your sleep is not as deep or nourishing.
• Turn off your mobile, or put it on “Do not disturb” or “airplane mode”. I can’t count the number of times I was drifting off when someone messaged me and the sudden light and buzz of the vibrate would jolt me back into awakeness. If you use your phone as an alarm clock, many phones turn themselves on automatically when it’s time for the alarm to go off – give yours a try and see if it works.
• Avoid eating after 9:30. Most people’s digestive systems begin to slow down around this time in anticipation of eight hours of sleeping. Having a heavy meal and then flopping straight into bed actually draws a lot of energy from your body to your stomach so your sleep isn’t as satisfying.
• Unwind before bed-time. Turn off the TV and avoid vigorous exercise or anything that will get you “pumped up”. Let your mind relax with gentle stimuli like reading or a warm (or cold! shower.)
• If stressful thoughts are keeping you awake, do something to de-stress. As a specific example, I often worry about the amount of study I have to do before an upcoming assessment. But over the years, I’ve come to the firm belief that time for sleep is equally important as time for cramming. That means if I have sixteen hours before an exam, I will deliberately spend at least eight of them sleeping/resting, rather than trying to pull an all-nighter and then being too tired to remember anything the next day.
• Don’t use your bed for anything other than sleeping and the sexy fun times. While it can be a comfortable place to read, study or play games in, using it only for sleep helps set up the positive association in your mind. When you get into bed, you naturally start to feel tired in anticipation of sleep, as opposed to feeling excited to read or stressed about study.

To help let go of generally unhelpful thoughts that keep you up at night, try meditating (that is to say, focusing your mind on something other than your stressful thoughts), breathing deeply, counting sheep or consciously letting your body relax. This last one in particular works pretty close to 100% of the time for me- I’m usually asleep before I’m halfway through it. Try repeating “My left arm is heavy” three times, feeling it grow heavier each time, then “My right arm is heavy… Both my arms are heavy… My left leg is heavy… My right leg is heavy… Both of my legs are heavy… My arms and legs are heavy… My left arm is heavy and warm…” etc. These “progressive autogenic exercises” are based on the idea that as your body relaxes, your mind relaxes. Feel free to look up other ones on the internet!

If you’re still having trouble sleeping after all the above (and you’ve been trying for a couple of weeks to give your body time to adjust), get up and do something completely different for a while. Sometimes lying in bed can help you to relax and fall asleep, but if it’s not working for whatever reason, don’t get frustrated about it and keep going. You can’t order your body to fall asleep any more than you can force yourself to relax- it’s a paradox to even try. Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I like to get up and read a few chapters of a book, or if I really can’t sleep, I’ll load up a game for an hour or two and then try again.

The art of manipulating time

Life gets busy, I know it does, but stop making excuses. If you haven’t been taking good care of yourself, you can start any time you like- there’s nothing stopping you! All human beings have the same amount of time, we just have different priorities. So if you think “I don’t have time to sleep eight hours a night”, change something so that you do. I once told a friend of mine “I don’t have time to [do some task during a busy time in my life]”, and he told me “If it really mattered to you, you would make time.” And he was absolutely right. Time can be created in small pockets all over the place, and the world doesn’t fall apart if you schedule a time-out for yourself.

So get out there and get balanced!

Xin