We are supposed to go every 2 years, so for the last 2 years I have known I was avoiding something that was super important because I dreaded the 15 minutes of embarrassment I feared I would face.

I am normally pretty level headed, can reason with most things, but this one; heading off for a Pap smear I seemed to bury deep inside and avoid like the plague.

Last month on a girls weekend away having lots of fun, one question was asked to the group, name a goal for the year. One friend said to start taking their health more serious and booking in for a pap smear. The room soon filled with lots of ‘oh I hate those’. So I was not alone. But, what was clear, was that for those that overcame the worry of going, the actual event was short lived and really not as bad as I had built up in my mind.

So off I headed for one. I went to a doctors surgery where the nurse does a Pap smear clinic. For some reasons this seemed better for me. I figured she got up that day knowing what she was in for and I didn’t appear as some surprise, although I am really sure she won’t have cared less if I did.

The nurse, Helen, was super lovely and I did explain how anxious I was about it. But 5 minutes later it was done, we even had a chat about everyday stuff whilst it was going on. I felt like punching the air in celebration that it was over!

Mid air punch and heading for the door, Helen tells me to slow up, the check-up wasn’t over yet… This was something I hadn’t expected – a breast check up too! I desperately wanted to grab my bag and say ‘no, I am fine thanks, Pap smears is all I came for’. But again, reasoning that I was level headed on lots of things so why not this, I went with the flow. Lucky I did, she found a lump. Of course this freaked me out, but mammograms and biopsy’s later it was just a pesky lump. I was so relived, but it was strong reminder that these test and check-ups, although a bit uncomfortable for me (not physically), are recommended for a really good reason –because if there is anything wrong the earlier it is found the better and these tests do save lives.

So, if you are like me and finding a million and one reasons to put off your health check, find the number now and book the appointment – the rest just flows and before you know it you will be like me, going sweet that’s ticked off for another 2 years. I feel lighter already, and OK somewhat pleased with myself. I am also chuffed that my friend has booked theirs in too.

For more information check out these frequently asked questions about pap smears also check out the topic page here on Tune In Not Out on HPV, which is what the pap smear is there to detect for.

Happy papping

Anne

Sign up for our monthly eNewsletter

But what about for your mental health? When you’re having an off day, what do you do? Some people are better equipped for dealing with these sorts of things – some people (though I must admit I haven’t met one) don’t actually have these little ‘episodes’ of feeling blue. For those of us who do could it be possible to prepare a sort of ‘Mental Health First Aid Kit’ for yourself? Even if it wasn’t in actual physical box or bag, and just a list of things that you keep in a journal or your brain – what sort of things would you put in there?

I’ve been thinking about this a bit lately, and thinking about what I would prepare for myself for those ‘off’ days. Here are just a few things that I would suggest:

Music

Some music that makes you feel good. This could be in playlist format on your mp3 player (or your phone), it could be a CD from your favourite artist, or even (and I know we’re getting a bit old school here) a mix CD or tape that you’ve put together or that someone has kindly put together for you. (Editors Note – Great suggestions Bethwyn – Tune In Not Out has just launched a competition looking Music and Our Mental Health called Tune Your Mood – it invites you to take a look at your music listening and create a playlist for those tough times – have a go and then you have one ready for your first aid kit)

Journal

A journal that you use specifically for writing about things you like about yourself, and things that you’re grateful for in your life. Often called a gratitude diary. Showing gratitude can make you feel good whatever mood you’re in – just saying thank you to yourself for knowing when to rest and take time out is great.

Letters

Letters. These can be ones that you have written to yourself (an interesting practice, but one that can be really enjoyable) in a friendly tone, or from other people in your life. You can ask them specifically to write a nice letter for this venture if you feel comfortable with that, or you can simply exchange letters and keep them together if they make you feel happy.

Feeling of Safety

A childhood toy that brings back feelings of safety. A lot of the time when we’re feeling low, just having that sense of safety and warmth is enough to make us feel even the tiniest bit better. It doesn’t have to be a stuffed animal or a blanket, it can be an action figure that you loved playing with, or even just something that reminds you of feeling safe and loved.

Those are just some suggestions. I’m not encouraging people to spend time ‘living in the past’ – that would be counter-productive. I’m just suggesting that by having this box of things that bring you joy, your low mood may be easier to handle, and may not hang around as long.

Yoga and Meditation

I’ll also take this opportunity to indicate that meditation and yoga have been really useful for me to centre myself when I’m feeling angry, lonely, or upset. I know it sounds ridiculous – why would you want to sit around seething for twenty minutes? – but the thing is that if you can get into a regular practice of quieting your mind, it comes easier when you’re feeling emotionally aroused.

In fact, in Buddhism, mindfulness is encouraged. Mindfulness is to do with being in the present moment and being ‘mindful’ of everything that’s happening without being stressed about it. One good technique is to think of five things that each of your senses is experiencing – that is, five things you can see, five things you can hear, five things you can smell, five things you can feel, and, if you can do so, even five things you can taste. This technique just helps to take you out of the situation that is upsetting you and put you back in control. So, even techniques can be put into your mental health first aid kit – you can write down a few things that you know can help and put them in there, too.

I know it might be a bit of strange idea – after all, mostly we’re encouraged to look after our physical selves and not to give much attention to our mental health until something goes wrong. But what if we could look after it now? Would you benefit from having a box of tricks up your sleeve? Give it some thought.

Happy mental health, everyone!

Bethwyn

Keep in touch

Sign up to receive our monthly newsletter

OK, this isn't quite what we meant by first car, very funny TINO crew member

Your own wheels – the freedom, the independence how fantastic.

Setting out to buy your first car is so exciting. That car buys itself a firm place in your fond memories for evermore. I know I loved my Blue Fiat Uno despite its regular breakdowns and minimum street cred appeal.

So what do you need to know and consider when buying your first car? We take a quick look…

Your Travel Needs

How will you be using the car? Will you be commuting long distances, are you a city driver or bumping over some hard worn country roads?

What about other things/people in the car; do you carry passengers often, will you need to consider kids getting in and out the car? Will you need to carry tools for work or boards for the morning surf?

This will help you work our the size and type of the car you need.

Style

For some people their car is part of their personality, or you just have a certain look you like,  so you may have a particular type of the car you want, just make sure it fits your travel and practical needs too.

Budget

OK there is the car we want and the car we can afford – pretty old but much loved Mazda (it has character) in my case!

First of all, take a look at your current living expenses budget, is there movement to allow for a car? Can you cover the rego, insurance and petrol on a weekly basis?

Once you have worked out all the figures set a limited and stick to it. It can be good to let someone else in on this magical figure so that they can give you a gentle, or if needed, firm budget reminder as you get all gooey eyed on the model two up from what you can afford.

If you need to take out finance to secure the car make sure you sort this out first. This will ensure you have the funds secured and you have given yourself time to do some research and get the best interest rate and payment plan to suit your needs.

You can also do research in to what you should expect to pay for the car of your choice. Red Book provides a buyers guide. Checking out the motoring section in your local newspaper over a few weekends can prove very useful to.

Safety

Getting the safest car to match your budget and needs is a must. Check out How Safe is My Car to see where the car you are considering rates

Where to buy

You have lots of places to search for a car with heaps on online sites, newspapers etc but ultimately it will lead to a sale that is either through:

• Private Owner
• Dealer
• Auction House

Don’t buy a lemon

Even if it has been polished to perfection, don't buy a lemon

I was devastated when our new pride and joy that cost all the extra pennies we had turned out to be a lemon. Total dud. Needed an entire new engine, thousands of dollars and stress later she now runs sweet but really, we only had her a few weeks before she fell over. So what can you do to make sure you stand a good chance of getting a winner.

Look the car over

The RAA recommend the following buying a car checklist:

• Take your time when looking at cars.
• Never inspect a car at night or in the rain as paint and body faults may be difficult to detect.
• Minor rust spots can quickly become serious.
• Ask to see the service record to ensure the vehicle has been regularly maintained.
• Unevenly worn tyres can indicate faulty brakes, suspension or steering.
• Abnormal free movement when the steering is rocked from side to side indicates wear in the steering components.

Road Test

Be sure to test drive the car, if you’re not the next Stig, it can be good to have someone with you who is familiar with cars and can help spot the things to be careful of.

To be even more sure, your local RAC centres do road inspections with a report at the end about the good and the not so good.

Get to know the cars past

During the road test etc be sure to write down the

• Vehicle registration number
• The engine number
• The vehicle identification number (VIN) or chassis number

This will allow you to make a very worthwhile Vehicle History Check, not only will it tell you if there is no money owning on the car. You really don’t want the heavies knocking on your door to repossess the car because of someone else’s’ debt – that would suck – yes it can happen.  REVS Vehicle History Check  lets you know about any finance on the vehicle as well as:

• Is the car really the one it is supposed to be, and does the VIN, engine and registration number match up?
• Has it been reported stolen or ever written-off?
• Is there clear title on the vehicle?
• Has the odometer been rolled back?
• When the car was first registered, how many times has the registration been transferred and for what purpose was it used (taxi, rental car, etc)?

It’s a Deal

A price has been agreed upon, you have sorted the paperwork, checked the seller is who is they claim to be (i.e. the registered owner of the car, and not some guy trying to make a quick buck on his mates car whilst he is on holiday). Great stuff! But do you have your insurance sorted?

Make sure that you have this all arranged before you drive off – again don’t rush this – ring around a few places and get the best package for you.

Change of Ownership

Once you do buy make sure you complete the Transfer of Registration within 14 days – be warned this does come with an additional cost for stamp duty.

So happy car hunting, Can you add any tips below to help out further?

Get the tissues - quick!

It is that time of year again when we can expect to see “I’m sick” Facebook updates, friends off school and work mates skipping a shift because of either a cold or the flu. So in today’s blog we take a quick look at how we can try and prevent getting either of these, but if we do, how can we recover quickly?

Prevention

Now these are a mixture of preventing you from getting the lurgy, or if you are sick not taking others down with you.

Cover It Up

Apparently it is called Coughing and Sneezing Etiquette – sounds fancy but really it is as simple as being kind to those around you and covering your face with your hand (wash after), elbow or tissue when you cough of sneeze. This to me is standard manner, but once you are aware of it, it’s amazing how many people have a good old hacking session without doing the cover thing -  eewww to all those infectious droplets spraying in all directions. Do we need to include the gross slow motion sneezing video? OK, seems we do…

Wash Your Hands

Ok so they don’t look dirty but enough cleaning product adverts have taught us that you can’t see those pesky germs with the naked eye – so keep ‘em washed and clean.

That’s Mine!

Sharing is not always caring – keep items like towels and pillows for private use only.

Using the cover up technique

Keep It Clean

Surfaces, taps, hand towels etc – keep them washed and fresh and you are giving yourself a fighting chance.

Staying Healthy

Eating well and exercise certainly will be doing you no harm, and by doing these you stand a better chance of either avoiding the lurgy or recovering quicker.

Flu Vaccination

The Flu Vaccine wasn’t always something I willingly headed off to the docs for. But now, living with someone for whom such a thing as a common day cold, let alone the flu can mean pretty bad stuff like hospital visits and complications to their health, I understand that by me and the rest of my family having the Flu jab means we are helping them stay safe too. This made me realise the flu jab was not just about my own health, but also helping keep those who are at a higher risk when getting it safe

So have a chat with your doctor or pharmacists (many places have flu jab clinics) about getting this done.

I’m sick – What have I got?

Cold and flus have a range of different symptoms. Colds hopefully come and go in a day or two, flu knocks you about harder and can take much longer to recover from. Once you start feeling like something is not quite right, take a visit to your pharmacist or naturopath and discuss your symptoms – they can ask you some questions, help you work out if it’s the flu or cold and if it needs a trip to the doc or over the counter medicine can help.

There is also the free telephone service Health Direct Australia where you can phone and speak to a registered nurse. It runs 24/7. Tel: 1800 022 222

Getting better

Get Well Soon x

Rest, Rest Rest

The more you rest, hopefully the quicker your recovery will be. So you may need to cancel some things you had planned to allow for this. During this rest time try and get plenty of sleep, this is the time your body takes to mend and repair.

Chat to the Pharmacist or Naturopath

As mentioned above, talking with these guys can help you find some things to manage the symptoms and recover quicker. These can range from cold medications through to Echinacea to garlic.

Steam It Up

Having a hot bath or shower (not boiling through) to create some steam can help to clear the parts that need clearing! You can also try a humidifier, which can be great to make sleeping easier. If you don’t have one of these try the method of hot water in a bowl, lean your head over and cover with a towel. Adding drops such a eucalyptus can really help too.

Eat and Drink

OK, so many of us find eating is not what we feel like when we are sick, but try as much as you can to eat something to keep your strength up. It will help you feel better and recover sooner. Here a recipe for the old favourite chicken noodle soup

But drinking is a must. If you get dehydrated it can make you feel much worse and lead to complications. So even if it’s a few sips at a time, drinking is super important. You can also get icy poles and drinks at the pharmacists to help you replace Glucose and electrolytes which are essential for us to stay hydrated.

Finally, try to hold all those muscles when the sneeze come or you may produce a Snart!

What about you – any tips you can offer others to keep the bugs at bay?

Check out our health and wellbeing section for further information.

Sign up to our monthly eNews

Turn those light bulb moments into reality

So you have many great ideas (toast topped with butter, peanut butter and then butter again is considered a hot one in our house) but this new idea you have is making your stomach burn and your mind excited.

This idea might be a business idea, or it might be an idea to make a positive change socially, but your young is that a barrier ? No, no no! Just look at Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook or closer to home how about Chris Raine, CEO of Hello Sunday Morning, his idea started with a hangover, when the 22 year-old from Brisbane woke up after a night of heavy drinking and read that Australia’s national binge drinking culture (a culture that he was very much a part of) cost the country over $15 billion and was responsible for the death of over 260 young Australians, each year. Since he has gone on to build the very successful not for profit organisation -  Hello Sunday Morning which since 2010 has had over 2400 people sign up for the program.

So how do we get these ideas to come to life? Here are a few tips to get you started:

Capture the idea

Write all your ideas down, brainstorm, mind map make sure you capture your thoughts before you loose them. Keeping a pen and paper next to the bed really can come in handy. Use your mobile phones note facility to quickly jot things down.

Research

Spend some time looking at the market you are considering, including; competitors, locations, risks, opportunities, threats, costs, data, trends, facts.

Get support

For business ideas check out your local Business Enterprise Centre, they hold seminars on getting started and can even provide you with a mentor to help get the idea off the ground. Some even help out with covering costs for lawyers, accountants, intellectual property professional etc.

For those social ideas the Young Social Pioneers organisation is just what you need. They are taking applications now for places in their amazing program aimed to help you make your vision for social change a reality.

As a Young Social Pioneer:

• You will receive 12 months of professional training, mentoring, networking opportunities and skills building
• You will become part of a dynamic community of like-minded individuals who learn from and inspire each other
• You will become part of a recognised and influential force of young leaders of social change

After the completion of their 12-month journey, YSP alumni continue to receive support from the networks they create, and in turn continue to support the program as mentors, workshop facilitators and advisory board members. So check them out – applications close 1st June 2012.

So rather than a long to do list – we really suggest you check these services out to help get your ideas out of your head and happening.

Good luck

What will make it a night to remember?

Test passed, footie team won, cats birthday? Whatever the reason you may be considering hosting a party at your place – good idea – bad idea? We take a look at the pro’s and con’s.

A night to remember

Hold a night to remember and you will be the hostess with the mostess – the night will be talked about for years to come, OK a few weeks at least. To make the night a resounding success, in your planning think about what you and your friends like to do and work from there – a video game night it the bomb for some, for others some dance opportunities are a must – you know you friends – think about what you will all enjoy.

A good party at a minimum normally has food and drink, some throw in a theme whether Super Hero’s,  something being with S or 70’s funkster, then games, music, cooking are all optional – search Mr and Mrs Google for inspiration.

Invite list

Why we are considering those you WANT to invite – also consider those who you DON’T want showing up – like half your college year. When handing out invites – let your friends know it is NOT an open invitation. Don’t stick a invite on the noticeboard at the gym in the hope the girl in the purple Lycra will come along, only to find out she doesn’t but the whole Zumba class does – ready to show off their stuff, and don’t make an open event on Facebook – we don’t even need to mention the name Corey do we?

If those who weren’t invited do turn up, this is where you will be glad you asked a not-so-uncool uncle or neighbour to hang out (out of sight) at the party to be called upon for moments exactly like this, not only do you get rid of the unwanted guests, but the uncle gets to feel like the not-so-uncool-hero uncle. You can even register your party with the Police – not so they can come by on a routine round every 10 minutes, but they know what is going down and can be there if needed to make sure nothing spoils your fun. Give your local station a call to find out more.

Making it happen

Getting the party organised, let alone making the magic happen on the night can be hard work – by taking the whole thing on yourself you may not only be a gibbering wreck come the night, but your wallet may be super empty for the next month meaning you miss out on all the catch-ups where your friends gush about the great time it was. For tips on throwing a party when broke check out this article by Rookie. To help conserve your funds and energy get the guests to bring food, their drink, even music and games – if a friend loves to DJ make the most of it – although perhaps ask for a demo tape before otherwise you could end up listening to Hey Macarena and Ricky Martin all night (the ‘Zumbaers’ might be happy though).

Oh and the neighbours – let them know you are due to be the hostess with the mostess – it normally softens their mood more than an unexpected noise – yes, yes it’s music, but to them it’s just noise!

But of course, not forgetting the olds if you still live at home, they could be super supportive helping arrange the whole thing or could be planning a romantic weekend away none the wiser to your plans, which is probably not the best idea – chat to them about the plans and get them to help out.

Drink

Now to the drink side of things, you may plan on a alcohol free party – fantastic (be sure to check out some mocktail recipes) – but if alcohol is likely to form part of the celebration here are a few things to consider:

-        Have food and non-alcoholic drinks within easy reach for everyone – this is much easier than someone getting so drunk they spew in the plant pot.

-        Check out the secondary supply of alcohol laws in your area –there are rules around supplying alcohol to young people, especially important if some of your mates are under 18

-        Look out for each other – have your party remembered for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. Check out our partying page for more info.

Preparing for the aftermath

Having a party at home means no designated driver role for you, no expensive taxis home – but is does mean you get to wake up with the mess – consider putting special things in one room and keeping that room off limits, not only does that means that Nan’s commemorative porcelain china mug of the Queen stays looking as lovely as ever, but in the morning you can hide in there until you’re brave enough to see the state of the kitchen.  Why not kindly offer some friends to kip the night – with the ulterior motive of a morning clean up crew on hand.

Final tip

Oh and a final tip, if you are going to aluminum foil every wall and window in your lounge to give some strange space effect, use a tape that comes off easily – we learn by our errors.

What about you? What tips to do have for going down in history as the host of the year…

Images kindly supplied from Flickr Creative Commons peeps:

nSeika; mycupcakebox; mag3737; Jan Zalud (योहन); teapics; Irregular Shed; rubyblossom;

Sign up to our eNews

Dressing up my mood - can it be done via my wardrobe?

OK,  so this blog comes from me, who no one could describe as a fashion queen, not even a princess, not sure I even get in the castle. I don’t really enjoy shopping, I just wish my wardrobe would re populate itself, you know my favourite top smooches with my second favourite top and ‘BAM!’ a new number is created.

Even though I am no fashion diva, I do know that what I wear can have a big affect on how I feel about me – apparently this is a topic looked into lots by professors etc – the Psychological power of clothing they call it.

This recent UK survey found that 51% of women will reach for their jeans when they are feeling down. Straight away I think “they must mean those old comfy jeans that don’t know the word of flatter, not the ones that ride up me bum all day and show the top of my knickers (eeekk or more – hate the coin slot) if I bend over more that 5 degrees – as they are saved for feeling good days (why can I handle uncomfortable more when feeling happy?).

OK, so professors have agreed that our clothes can affect and influence our mood. Headspace recently asked their Facebook fans what they thought about this, one fan commented “I wear track pants and baggy clothes when I’m depressed. My body can at least be comfortable when my mind isn’t.” I know I nodded away when I read that. If my eyes aren’t a mirror to my soul then often my clothes are.

But considering the affect and influence of clothes on our mood, how can we make our clothes influence our mood in a positive way? I am all for sitting in my paint splattered trackies for a night or two when feeling a bit off, but eventually I know I want to re join the world and often that starts with picking the outfit to wear as I re enter the front line.

So after an extra long shower, all parts shaved I enter the wardrobe and look for an outfit that will hopefully make me stand a bit straighter, feel a bit more confident and surge forward – what that outfit is who knows – but the one I choose that day I know was chosen to make ME feel good – not the bus driver or the barista – but me – let’s face it they don’t know I have matching bra and knickers on and my socks are actually a pair – but I do and I feel good about it.

So what about you how do clothes influence your mood?

Sign up to our eNews

Image acknowledgement.

Thank you to the following Flickr peeps for their Creative Common licence to make our melody:
AviviJ; t2ll2t; Temari 09; Scarlet Lark; Daniel.Lee; aquababe; guccio@文房具社;

We hope that many of these visitors have found information to help them navigate life’s challenges through our collection of over 200 videos, factsheet music and a wide range of youth generate blog posts.

So this year we are taking a new step to ensure we can keep helping young people through the things life throws at us.

Throughout the month on November 2012 will be running our very first fundraising campaign TINO:YH 2012. (Tune In Not Out to Youth Health 2012)

During TINO:YH 2012 we will be aiming to raising community awareness about what youth health really is – that is not simply one issues but a broad range of issues, concerns and opportunities that young people are faced with as they navigate their way through life.

To ensure the ongoing operation of TINO beyond the end of 2012, as part of the campaign with the support of the Lions Network of Australia, we will be running community fundraising BBQ’s across Australia.

For more information about what will be happening check out our TINO:YH 2012 information page and why not sign up to our eNews to stay updated.

*flashing warning lights*. This blog post talks sex, not just what it is – but how to do it. If you are uncomfortable with words like masturbation or anus, this article may not be for you. You have been warned!

Sex. It’s everywhere, and with good reason. Human beings are inherently sexual, from the moment we’re born til the moment we die. That’s not to say we’re always ready, willing and able to have sex- our sexuality develops just as we do, and every person is different. Some men rarely experience sexual arousal until their fifties, while some young girls can’t stop thinking about sex, and every combination imaginable. Some people are asexual entirely, without any libido whatsoever. We’re all different, and we all grow.

This week is Sexual Health Awareness week, and I wanted to write an article about sex, because let’s face it, most people think about it from time to time, some more than others. It’s highly likely you’ve come across information about sex before- how to do it, what feels good for you and your partner/s, what type of contraception exists, STI’s and the horrific pictures that follow… But something I’ve noticed among young people my age is that there’s not a lot of information about how to have enjoyable sex that isn’t oppressive or disrespectful. Essentially, I’m going to discuss the interconnected issues of respect and consent. But before you say “I’ve heard it all before- Australia says no etc. etc.”, these are actually fairly complex issues and it’s important to re-examine them in new light. I urge you to take five minutes to read this article- it might seriously improve your sex life forever.

Consenting to great sex

Sex is generally considered to be awesome. But what is sex? Is it strictly limited to vaginal intercourse? What about anal sex? Oral sex? Manual sex? What about dry sex (with at least some clothes on)? What about fondling? French kissing? Heavy petting? I’d argue that any exchange of a sexual nature (that is, inciting sexual arousal) is a form of sex, some more intimate than others.

I’d also like to throw a crazy idea out there: all sex is great, as long as everyone consents to it. I’ll explain the second half of that statement in a moment, but let’s think about this first. Gay sex is great. Sadomasochism is great. Role playing is great. Anal sex, water sports, bondage and domination, transvesticism, fetishes, they’re all really, really great. As long as there’s consent.

I’m not comfortable with a lot of things. For example, I’m not comfortable masturbating onto someone’s feet. But if someone in the world really enjoys having someone masturbate onto his/her feet, then that’s absolutely fine. There are people in the world doing all sorts of sex-based activities right now, some of which horrify me, but if the people involved are fully committed and enjoying themselves, I have no right in the world to stop them. This is exactly the nature of Consent.

Consent is agreeing to something whilst being fully aware of what that something involves. To give a common example, if a man wants to have vaginal intercourse with a woman, she must be fully aware of what it means to have a penis inside her vagina and agree to it in order to provide consent. Someone who is drunk and not in full control of their faculties cannot, by definition, give consent. Someone who is unconscious, who is underage or mentally underdeveloped, who is tied up with a gag in their mouth, who (God forbid) is dead, who is a stranger who is witnessing (or worse, experiencing) a sexual act without being asked first if they wanted to see/experience it… All of them are unable to give consent, and it is never okay to force, coerce or trick them into having any kind of sexual contact, not even a little bit. Not even if they were enjoying it ten seconds ago and suddenly changed their mind. Not even if you think that their actions are speaking louder than their words. If they so “No”, “Stop”, “Wait!”, or anything along the lines of “I don’t want to do that with you”, then you shouldn’t do it. Forcing sex of any kind is illegal, and perhaps worse, it hurts people in the most intimate of ways.

I suggest reading the blog here on Tune In Not Out – Consent is Sexy for more info – it’s a great read.

Respect = even better sex

But consent isn’t just about following the law. There’s a damn good reason why it’s so important: respect.

Respect is something that isn’t always understood or valued, but it is the foundation for any kind of meaningful connection. And if you’re not meaningfully connected during sex, you have some real issues that you need to look at. There is no more important time to be respectful than when you are in the very most intimate of places you can be with a person. But how does respect help you have better sex?

I cannot think of anything less sexy than hurting someone I care about. I would never find it arousing to hurt, shame or bully my girlfriend into doing something for my benefit. I would, on the other hand, find it ridiculously arousing if I asked her to do something for me and she did it willingly because she wanted me to enjoy it. I don’t particularly care who you are or what you’re into- that’s your business. But it’s also the business of your partner/s. If you want your boyfriend to role play as a secret agent then ask him. If you want your girlfriend to wear her sexy underwear around the house then ask her. If you want your partner to try anal sex then ask them.  And most importantly of all, respect their decision to say no!

Once you get to the stage where you respect your partner enough to ask them, and your partner respects you enough to consider what you’re asking, everything changes. When you start talking about sex, what you enjoy, what you fantasise about, what you’d really like your partner to do some day if they didn’t mind trying it, sex becomes limitless. You don’t have to feel guilty about what you like. You can start experimenting, if you and your partner want to, in whatever way you both enjoy. Good sex (however you like it) becomes a gift rather than something you have to steal or take or fantasise about secretly. You’re free to experience PLEASURE. And God, isn’t that what it’s all about? Why should anyone have to feel guilty about enjoying themselves as long as everyone’s okay with it? (I’m careful not to say “as long as no one gets hurt”, because some people like a good spanking among other things, and that’s cool too.)

So I guess what I’m really what I’m trying to say is that sex is really great, but it becomes so much better when you know that your partner is either enjoying it too, or doing it freely because they care about you enough to give you pleasure. In my books, the key to really amazing sex comes not from any activity in particular, but a value-based attitude: respect. Now go out there and get some.

PS: Just as a matter of interest, there are a number of Declarations of Sexual Rights, but this one is probably my favourite.

1. The right to sexual freedom. Sexual freedom encompasses the possibility for individuals to express their full sexual potential. However, this excludes all forms of sexual coercion, exploitation and abuse at any time and situations in life.
2. The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body. This right involves the ability to make autonomous decisions about one’s sexual life within a context of one’s own personal and social ethics. It also encompasses control and enjoyment of our own bodies free from torture, mutilation and violence of any sort.
3. The right to sexual privacy. This involves the right for individual decisions and behaviors about intimacy as long as they do not intrude on the sexual rights of others.
4. The right to sexual equity. This refers to freedom from all forms of discrimination regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, age, race, social class, religion, or physical and emotional disability.
5. The right to sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure, including autoeroticism, is a source of physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual well being
6. The right to emotional sexual expression. Sexual expression is more than erotic pleasure or sexual acts. Individuals have a right to express their sexuality through communication, touch, emotional expression and love.
7. The right to sexually associate freely. This means the possibility to marry or not, to divorce, and to establish other types of responsible sexual associations.
8. The right to make free and responsible reproductive choices. This encompasses the right to decide whether or not to have children, the number and spacing of children, and the right to full access to the means of fertility regulation.
9. The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry. This right implies that sexual information should be generated through the process of unencumbered and yet scientifically ethical inquiry, and disseminated in appropriate ways at all societal levels.
10. The right to comprehensive sexuality education. This is a lifelong process from birth throughout the life cycle and should involve all social institutions.
11. The right to sexual health care. Sexual health care should be available for prevention and treatment of all sexual concerns, problems and disorders.

Sexual Rights are Fundamental and Universal Human Rights

SEX WEEK BLOGS

Check out the other blogs in our sex week series

• R.E.S.P.E.C.T
• Putting the U in pleasure
• The Key to really great sex
• How to win at relationships
• K.I.S.S – Keep it safe, sugar

Thank you to Student Edge for supporting the development of this blog through the provision on a rather fantastic Goodie Bag.

Become a Youth Content Producer

Would you like to see your blog featured here? Check out our Be Involved page for how too.

Image by

Love Condoms by v i p e z – under Creative Commons Licence

YEP Crew is a group of young people aged between 16 – 25 years old with the mission of actively engaging with young people (online and in face to face outreach settings in Perth W.A) around sexual health, relationships and blood-borne virus topics, in order to give young people the info and resources they need to be able to make safer and informed choices in their sexual and romantic lives. You can like us on Facebook by checking out www.facebook.com/yepcrew.

K.I.S.S

Okay, so what does it mean to be safe sexually?

Safety, [noun].
1. The condition of being protected from or unlikely to cause danger, risk, or injury.
2. Denoting something designed to prevent injury or damage: “a safety barrier”; “a safety helmet”.” (www.google.com)

When it comes to sex and young people, we’re often told about the dangers of sex and all the things that can go wrong if we don’t protect ourselves. Some of you may have been shown some nasty looking pictures of STIs (sexually transmissible infections) like Chlamydia or herpes, or had the glorious opportunity of putting condoms on bananas in the classroom.

When it comes to sexual health, YEP Crew believes that the definition of safety has a broader meaning than one simply taken from a dictionary. Although it could be said that using contraception and/or protection helps to protect from risk and that wearing a condom is a ‘safety barrier’, making sure that you are safe emotionally is also very important! Sexual health means more than just being free from sexually transmittable infections (STIs) and blood-borne viruses (BBVs), it’s also about feeling happy and comfortable with what you’re doing and the decisions you’re making.

Physically

YEP Crew have been talking with young people about the importance of safe sexual health in a physical manner for a couple of years now, and there is a heap of information regarding this in schools and on the internet. Even if you know all the info, it can still be difficult and sometimes awkward to talk about contraception and protection with your partner(s). It’s important to know that the contraceptive pill does not protect you from STIs, so if you’re in a guy/girl situation, then using a condom (and lube, to prevent breaking and also for pleasure!) is really important. Practising safer sex is just as important in guy/guy and girl/girl sexual relationships too, so make sure you use condoms and dental dams. Scarleteen has ALL the info for you on how to use condoms, and is inclusive of LGBTIQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, intersex and queer) young people with a fantastic condom how to guide.

Buying and carrying condoms holds less of a stigma than it used to, and wanting to use condoms doesn’t mean you have an STI or you think your partner has one. It just shows that you’re aware of the potential risks associated with what you’re doing, and that you know how to care for yourself and someone else, which in our books deserves a gold star sticker, not shame! Knowing that you are prepared can give a peace of mind, as having it there helps if something happens in the ‘heat of the moment’ (as it so often does).

Having regular sexual health checkups is also still very important, even if you’re using protection. Sexual health clinics (like Family Planning centres Australia wide) have a relaxed atmosphere and are also less expensive than going to a doctor but find what is best suited for you. Depending what state of Australia you’re in, a simple google search should bring up a list of youth-friendly doctors in your area. Not sure what a sexual health check up involves? Visit the sexual health page here on Tune In Not Out  to find out more.

Emotionally

At YEP Crew, we believe that being prepared with contraception and/or protection, as well as having regular sexual health tests helps empower you to be sexually safe. However, staying safe physically is one thing. It’s another thing to stay safe emotionally. This side of safety is not spoken about as much as the physical safe sex stuff, maybe because it is harder to ‘define’ and means something different to everyone. At YEP Crew we think it is very important that you are emotionally safe when it comes to sex. Sex can make you feel happy, awesome, loved, connected and valued. But it can also leave some people feeling confused, hurt and upset.

Having open lines of communication is a significant part of having emotional safety. Discussing your thoughts, desires and boundaries before engaging in any sexual activity can make it clear to you and your partner about what is okay and not okay for you. Our friends at Passionate You put together a cool video on how to have this exact conversation – they call it their safe sex evaluator pitch.

When the safe line is crossed

You have the right to have these choices respected. However, if in any situation you aren’t being respected, or haven’t been respected in a relationship, then remember – this is NOT okay, and it is NOT your fault.

If you feel that your safety is (or has been) compromised then there are people that you can talk to. Different states in Australia have varying laws around sexual assault or relationship abuse; find out what your legal rights are if you have concerns. If you just want to talk to someone though, family and friends can be a good place to start if there is someone you trust and are comfortable with. Counsellors can be found at schools, universities, and at various mental and sexual health support centres. There are also phone lines to ring such as Kids Help Line and Lifeline. For relationship advice: Call 1800 MYLINE (1800 695 463) or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. For relationship violence Call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). If you’re in W.A you can contact the 24 hour emergency line for SARC (Sexual Assault Resource Centre) on (08) 9340 1828 or 1800 199 888.

Safety is something that you have a right to. Being protected from something that may cause risk or injury and having a safety barrier like a condom or dental dam is just the basics. We hope that you have a better understanding of the importance of physical AND emotional safe sex, and how important it is in order to have respectful and pleasurable sexual experiences! Stay tuned for our blogs on pleasure and respect later in the week!

This blog was brought to you by YEP Crew. Like us on Facebook! www.facebook.com/yepcrew.

SEX WEEK BLOGS

Check out the other blogs in our sex week series

• R.E.S.P.E.C.T
• Putting the U in pleasure
• The Key to really great sex
• How to win at relationships
• K.I.S.S – Keep it safe, sugar

Thank you to Student Edge for supporting the development of this blog through the provision on a rather fantastic Goodie Bag.

Become a Youth Content Producer

Would you like to see your blog featured here? Check out our Be Involved page for how too.

Image by

Love Condoms by v i p e z – under Creative Commons Licence