Dating, sex and being in love can be exciting – but at times it can be totally confusing.
Love. The Good The Bad and The Ugly is online guide to relationships, sex, dating & when love hurts, with real stories and quizzes.

1. Be yourself

Don’t put on an act – you want them to fall for the real you, not the ‘fake’ you. If they’re not into you for who you really are, then the relationship won’t work.

2. Be confident

Being confident can be tricky – for some people, it looks easy and for others, it’s the hardest thing in the world. Part of confidence is liking yourself and knowing that you’re an interesting person to be around. The writing exercise Dear Diary: feeling good about myself can help you remember what’s good about you.

Remember that no one is confident all the time, no matter what it looks like. Sometimes, you just have to fake it – to be brave and take the first step, like talking to someone you like or asking them out. If you’re nervous about talking to them, prepare by reminding yourself about your good qualities or listening to music that gets you in a good mood.

3. Show your interest

If you’re hoping to get that special someone’s attention, you have to show them you’re interested. Don’t think that playing hard to get by ignoring them and acting like you’re not interested will get their attention. Be friendly, listen when they talk to you and let them know you want to get to know them more. If you’re nervous around them, try to focus your attention on the conversation rather than on your feelings.

4. Find out what they like

A good way to open the conversation is to talk about something that he or she is interested in. Find out more about what they’re into – for example, what music do they like? What sport are they into? What do they usually do on weekends? People love to talk about their favorite things.  You can tell them about what you like too.

5. Feel and look your best

Feeling happy and confident in what you are wearing to makes you attractive. Be yourself - you’ll be most confident when you wear something you like. Don’t dress just to impress - dress to feel good about yourself and express who you are.

6. Be independent

You don’t have to go along with the crowd. Be yourself, and say what you honestly think. If you pretend to agree with others just because you want to fit in, then they won’t get to know the real you. Don’t be afraid to be different – it’s interesting!

7. Get to know their friends

Getting to know their friends helps you to get to know more about them.

8. Make a move

If you’re getting a good vibe from them, don’t sit back and wait for them to make the first move. A lot of girls feel like they’re supposed to wait for a guy to ask them out. But this isn’t true – it’s fine for a girl to make the first move.
Say hi and start talking to them, and then ask if they want to see a movie, a band, a party, or just hang out.

9. Don’t act jealous

Acting  jealous of their other friends or ex-boyfriend/girlfriends is not a good way to go. Accept that they can be friends with whoever they like. Be cool, and be open to all their friends, male or female.

10. Read their signs

If you’re not getting any positive vibes from them, then let it go. Signs that they’re not interested could be if they often drift off from the conversation or if they don’t listen to you, if they rarely ask you anything about yourself, if they ignore you or if they show more interest in talking to other people. If they’re not really into you, that’s their loss. Time to move on to find someone who is! See how to take rejection below.

Photos from Flickr by (top) babasteve / CC BY 2.0.

Dating Rejection

You can be rejected and keep your dignity (at least until you get home). Or if you’re doing the rejecting, learn how to do it right!

How to reject someone – in a nice way

• Only say yes unless you really want to. Otherwise you’re just giving false hope.
• No one likes to be rejected, so be kind, like  ‘Thanks for asking me though’. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask, “How would I want to be treated?”
• If you can’t go to a specific event but you’re interested in the person, make that clear, “I can’t go because I have a family thing but maybe another time?”
• Don’t rush giggling to tell your friends in front of the person.
• If you’re sent a text or email keep it private.

How to handle rejection

Nearly everybody gets rejected at some point in their life, no matter how smart, gorgeous or popular they are.  Some rejection, like attraction, doesn’t really make sense – it’s not about how likeable we are or how attractive, funny or adorable.

What to do when you ask and they say no…

• If they say no nicely, smile and move on.
• If the other person says no in a rude or mean way, they’re just a first-class arse and it’s lucky you found out now.
• Keep your dignity. Try not to make a scene, throw yourself on the ground, burst into tears, abuse them, sneer or say something rude. You can do all those things alone in your bedroom later.

How to handle rejection: later

• Don’t try to figure out why – it’s not because you are fat, ugly or stupid – it’s just because the other person can’t feel any “chemistry” or they have their own quirky reason. It means it wouldn’t have worked out, so move on.
• Don’t wallow in self-pity, and make sure you’re not obsessing about them just because you can’t have them.
• Hold out for someone who’ll really like you.
• Get on with something else to take your mind off it.
• Give it time: after a while you’ll notice things that will make you glad you didn’t go out with that person.

This information was taken from the book ‘Girl Stuff: Your Full On Guide to the Teen Years’ by Kaz Cooke, published by Penguin Australia, and used by permission.

Photo above from Flickr by jasoneppink / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0