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Topic Videos

Ruby Rose talks about bullying and BackMeUp

Ruby Rose talks about cyberbullying, and the BackMeUp 2012 competition. The competition opens 19 June 2012 - for more information see www.facebook.com/2012backmeup

  • Author: BackMeUp
  • Upload Date: 2012-06-19


Stories on this Topic

Featured Story (text)

Andrea's Story

Andrea's Story

A work by Andrea

I was 19 when I started dating my now ex-boyfriend. At first he seemed charming, witty, funny, and adventurous. I fell in love with him right away.

For the first couple of months everything was great, but then the fights started, at first over very petty things, like my not having a special ringtone for him on my phone.

It escalated into things about my behaviour, suddenly everything I was doing was wrong, and I found myself apologising to him several times a day for things I did that upset him, which was nearly everything.

I felt like I was walking on eggshells around him because literally anything I said or did could upset him.

Later, after discovering that he had been sleeping with an ex-girlfriend of his, we fought more than ever. Somehow I held the blame for this too, but yet I still stayed with him. Eventually, we even moved in together.

After thinking that we had finally gotten things right, he left me abruptly. And I found myself alone and with no friends.

How I coped

During our relationship, I had no way to cope except to keep journals that I knew he wouldn't find. I had unintentionally driven away all of my friends and had no outside support. And I could not talk to him about the depression and anxiety I was experiencing as it would upset him and turn into an argument.

Writing down my feelings was a very good outlet.

How the situation changed

My situation changed after he left me for another girl. At first I was devastated, but after looking back and seeing all the abuse I was put through, I was grateful that he left. I only felt sorry for the next girl that he dated.
What helped me

At first, I only had myself to rely on. I had to remind myself that I was strong and independent and that things would get better for me without him.

Later, I reconnected with all of the friends and family members I had driven away during our relationship, and they helped me to realise that this experience has made me a stronger and more driven individual.

My advice to others

Learn to stick up for yourself and don't let yourself fall under the control of a partner. Also, don't take the signs of abuse lightly, and don't brush off your partner's behavior. Just because he's not hitting you does not mean you're not being hurt.

If you feel unhappy in your relationship and feel that you're not being treated as you know you deserve, seek help and do everything you can to get out of it. You deserve to be cherished as the person you are.

Click to read the text

Andreas story of a controlling relationship

  • Author: Andrea
  • Upload Date: 2011-01-18

A real Story from Love The Good The Bad and The Ugly


Provided by Reach Out

We have partnered with Reach Out to bring you the best factsheet information we can on this topic. Reach Out offers information, support and resources to help young people improve their understanding of mental health issues, develop resilience, and increase their coping skills and help-seeking behaviour.

Assessing Your Safety

At times we underestimate the amount of danger we are in, either because we don't realise or don't want to accept how dangerous a situation is. Being safe is important and there are things you can do to ensure your safety.

Steps you can take to ensure your safety

Is there immediate danger?  How likely is it that someone would hurt you? If necessary, you may have to move to somewhere safe.

Do you have support? Making a decision to leave a situation where you feel unsafe may be hard and scary. If possible, talk to someone you trust, like a friend, a counsellor, or youth worker. Have a look at the Who can help you section.

Talk to the police -  If you feel unsafe the police are good people to talk to. If you have been hurt, or know of someone who has, the police will be able to help.

Believe in yourself - If someone is hurting you or threatening to, it can be hard to maintain your self-confidence. Remember it is NEVER OK for someone to hurt or threaten to hurt you.

Know your rights - It may be a good idea to check out your legal rights. Laws vary from state to state. To find out about your rights check out the Lawstuff website.

Consider a safety plan

A safety plan may be necessary before you leave a situation where you feel unsafe. In making a plan considering the following may help:

Have somewhere safe to go - If you can't think of anywhere where you can stay, you may need to contact a refuge. See the contact numbers below for assistance.

Tell someone - If possible, tell friends and/or family to see if they can help protect and support you.

Have money - If possible, save some money so you can leave a situation that you don't feel safe in.

Minimise time alone - Try and be around other people whenever possible.

After you feel safe

Once the crisis situation has passed, it is usually easier to work out what to do in the future. One step that may be necessary is ending the relationship or moving. This will probably be a hard step, so if possible have as much support as possible. If you are concerned for your safety in the future it may be necessary to talk to the police and also do basic things like get a silent number or screen calls through an answering machine.

Remember - there are many people and services that can help. Just talking to someone you trust about your concerns can help you see your options more clearly. The Who can help you section on the left side of the page has information on how counsellors, youth workers, police and other professionals can assist. Below is a list of help numbers and services which specialise in this area.

More Information

Check out our other pages on Domestic Violence and online safety

National Services

Police or Ambulance or Fire - 000 (Australia only)

Violence Against Women, Australian Says No (Specialises in Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault counseling and referrals) - 1800 200 526

Relationships Australia - 1300 384 277

Mensline Australia - 1300 78 99 78

Domestic Violence Line (24hr telephone support)
Ph: 1800 656 463 OR 1800 671 442 (TTY)



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