Domestic Violence

Overview

Domestic violence can occur in many forms and can affect people of any age. If someone is hurting you it can be very scary and it may be hard to know how you can stop it. It is important to remember that no one has the right to be violent towards you and there are people out there who can help.

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Jealous Guy

Ethan's paranoid and can't deal with Emma having guy friends. Should Emma be worried?

  • Author: The Line
  • Upload Date: 2012-11-21

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Featured Story (text)

Andrea's Story

Andrea's Story


A work by Andrea

I was 19 when I started dating my now ex-boyfriend. At first he seemed charming, witty, funny, and adventurous. I fell in love with him right away.

For the first couple of months everything was great, but then the fights started, at first over very petty things, like my not having a special ringtone for him on my phone.

It escalated into things about my behaviour, suddenly everything I was doing was wrong, and I found myself apologising to him several times a day for things I did that upset him, which was nearly everything.

I felt like I was walking on eggshells around him because literally anything I said or did could upset him.

Later, after discovering that he had been sleeping with an ex-girlfriend of his, we fought more than ever. Somehow I held the blame for this too, but yet I still stayed with him. Eventually, we even moved in together.

After thinking that we had finally gotten things right, he left me abruptly. And I found myself alone and with no friends.

How I coped

During our relationship, I had no way to cope except to keep journals that I knew he wouldn't find. I had unintentionally driven away all of my friends and had no outside support. And I could not talk to him about the depression and anxiety I was experiencing as it would upset him and turn into an argument.

Writing down my feelings was a very good outlet.

How the situation changed

My situation changed after he left me for another girl. At first I was devastated, but after looking back and seeing all the abuse I was put through, I was grateful that he left. I only felt sorry for the next girl that he dated.
What helped me

At first, I only had myself to rely on. I had to remind myself that I was strong and independent and that things would get better for me without him.

Later, I reconnected with all of the friends and family members I had driven away during our relationship, and they helped me to realise that this experience has made me a stronger and more driven individual.

My advice to others

Learn to stick up for yourself and don't let yourself fall under the control of a partner. Also, don't take the signs of abuse lightly, and don't brush off your partner's behavior. Just because he's not hitting you does not mean you're not being hurt.

If you feel unhappy in your relationship and feel that you're not being treated as you know you deserve, seek help and do everything you can to get out of it. You deserve to be cherished as the person you are.

Click to read the text

Andreas story of a controlling relationship

  • Author: Andrea
  • Upload Date: 2011-01-18

A real Story from Love The Good The Bad and The Ugly

Factsheet

Provided by Reach Out

We have partnered with Reach Out to bring you the best factsheet information we can on this topic. Reach Out offers information, support and resources to help young people improve their understanding of mental health issues, develop resilience, and increase their coping skills and help-seeking behaviour.

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can occur in many forms and can affect people of any age. If someone is hurting you it can be very scary and it may be hard to know how you can stop it. It is important to remember that no one has the right to be violent towards you and there are people out there who can help.

Below are some of the forms that domestic violence may take.

Physical

If someone is hurting you then you will probably have to take some action. Some forms of physical violence are: pushing, shaking, slapping, forcing you to do sexual things against your will, throwing things at you, damaging your property, hurting or killing pets.

Emotional

This form of violence is often unrecognised and can be very hurtful. Some forms of emotional violence are making threats, speaking in a way that is frightening, putting you down, and emotional blackmail.

Economic

Having money and being able to make decisions about it, is one means of being independent. If someone is controlling your money, keeping you financially dependent, or making you ask for money unreasonably, then this is a form of violence.

Social

This form of violence may happen in conjunction with other forms. If someone is insulting you or teasing you in front of other people, keeping you isolated from family and friends, controlling what you do and where you go, then they are being violent and you may need to take some action.

Spiritual

This violence is about not allowing you to have your own opinions about religion, cultural beliefs, and values.

How can I keep myself safe?

At times we underestimate the amount of danger we are in, either because we don't realise or don't want to accept how dangerous a situation is. Being safe is important and there are things you can do to ensure your safety.
Steps to ensuring your safety:

  • Is there immediate danger? How likely is it that someone would hurt you? If necessary, you may have to move to somewhere safe.
  • Do you have support? Making a decision to leave a situation where you feel unsafe may be hard and scary. If possible, talk to someone you trust, like a friend, a counsellor or youth worker.
  • Talk to the police: If you feel unsafe the police are good people to talk to. If you or someone you know has been hurt, the police will be able to help.
  • Believe in yourself: If someone is hurting you or threatening to, it can be hard to maintain your self-confidence. Remember it is NEVER OK for someone to hurt or threaten to hurt you. Check out the Maintaining healthy self-esteem topic page for more info.
  • Know your rights: It may be a good idea to check out your legal rights. Laws vary from state to state. To find out about your rights check out the Lawstuff website.

Helpful organisations

National Services

Police or ambulance or fire - 000 (Australia only)

Violence Against Women, Australian Says No (Specialises in Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault counseling and referrals) - 1800 200 526

Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277

Mensline Australia - 1300 78 99 78

VIC

Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria, formerly Domestic Violence and Incest Resource Centre (information and referral to local services, lending library and training)
Address: 292 Wellington Street, Collingwood 3066
Phone: (03) 9486 9866 Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm or TTY (03) 9417 2155
Email: dvrcv@dvrcv.org.au

WIRE - Women's Information and Referral Exchange (Information, support and referral for women)

Ph: 9654-6844 (Mon-Fri 9am - 7pm) OR 1800 136 570 (country callers)

Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria (24 hr Crisis support, information, referral to safe accommodation (refuge) for women experiencing abuse in their relationships)
Ph: 03 9373-0123 OR 1800 015 188 (toll free for country users)

Centre Against Sexual Assault Crisis (support, counselling, information for people who have been sexually assaulted)
Ph: 03 9344 2000 (daytime) OR 03 9349-1766 (After Hours Telephone Service) OR 1800 806 292 (Country)

Immigrant Women's Domestic Violence Service (For immigrant women who are victims of domestic violence)
Ph: 03 9898-3145 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)

NSW

Domestic Violence Line (24hr telephone support)
Ph: 1800 656 463 OR 1800 671 442 (TTY)

Rape Crisis Centre - (02) 9819-6565 OR 1800-424-017 (Country Toll Free)

Immigrant Women's Speakout (Association For migrant & refugee women who are victims of violence, counselling, bilingual workers)
Ph: (02) 9635-8022 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)

Victims of Crime Support Line (Twenty Four (24) hour telephone information, support and referral for victims of crime)
Ph: (02) 9374 3000 (metro) OR 1800 633 063 (toll free) OR (02) 9374 3175 (TTY)

ACT

Domestic Violence Crisis Service (24hr telephone counselling, referral)
Ph: (02) 6280 0900 OR (02) 6228 1852 (TTY)

Canberra Rape Crisis Centre (24 hr) - 6247-2525

NT

Domestic Violence Crisis Service, Darwin
Ph: (08) 8945-6200 (9-5 Mon-Fri)

Crisis Line (General crisis counseling - 24hr service) - 1800 019 116

Sexual Assault Referral Centre Counselling (support, information, & 24hr crisis care for recent sexual assault)
Darwin - (08) 8922-7156
Alice Springs - (08) 8951-5880

QLD

Brisbane Rape & Incest Crisis Centre - (07) 3391 0004

Immigrant Women's Support Service (Support for immigrant or refugee women victims of domestic violence, bilingual workers - Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
Domestic Violence (07) 3846-3490
Sexual Assault (07) 3846 5400

SA

Domestic Violence Outreach Service (Telephone and face to face counselling, referral to safe accommodation - 24 hour service 7 days a week) - 1300 782 200

Crisis Care  (After hours crisis support for violence and abuse, suicide, child protection etc, 4pm-9am plus weekends & public.hols) - 08 8124 4424

Women's Information Service of South Australia  - (08) 8303-0590 OR 1800 188 158 OR 0401 989 860 (SMS)

TAS

Domestic Violence Crisis Service (Mon-Fri 9am-Midnight, weekends 4pm-midnight) - (03) 6233 2529 OR 1800 633 937 OR 1800 608 122 (Statewide)

Sexual Assault Support Services (Telephone and face to face counseling) - 03 6231 1811

WA

Women's Refuge Group Telephone (support, referral to safe accommodation, Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) - (08) 9420 7264

Crisis Care Unit (24hr crisis support for violence, child protection, suicide, etc) - (08) 9325-1111 or 1800 199-008 or (08) 9325-1232 (TTY)

Sexual Assault & Referral Centre (24 hr Telephone and face to face counselling, female doctors) - (08) 93401828 or 9340 18 20 or 1800 199-888 (Country callers)

Women's Refuge & Multicultural Service (Outreach support for immigrant women who are victims/ survivors of domestic violence) - (08) 9325-7716

 

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Comments

10 Responses to “Domestic Violence”

  1. shantel says:
    November 22, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    how do u tell a story bout domestic violence or who do i talk to

    Reply
  2. Anna and Rhianna says:
    June 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

    To all those out there whom have had the courage to tell their story we would just like to say thank you.
    Many of your stories had small parts that could be related to our lives too.
    And helped us understand what its like to experience such horrible things and having the strengh to push through. Being able to have the guts to stand up for yourself and that is something to be proud of. All we can hope for in our lives is to be as strong as you guys. Such an inspiratrion.

    Reply
  3. anonymous says:
    December 11, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I am currently in an emotional, financial and socially abusive relationship. My partner has been tormenting me for the last 2 years of our almost 3 year relationship. He has taken control of my finances, my social life and puts me down more than anyone can ever imagine. He demands that we be intimate almost everyday. If I were 100% happy I would want to be intimate with him every minute of everyday but I just can’t bring myself to wanting it more than he does because of my current mentality and emotional status. We want a future of marriage and children but I am afraid that the abuse will eventually become physical. Does his current behavior usually turn into physical abuse for most men in the future or only to a minority?

    Reply
    • lynz says:
      December 18, 2012 at 9:58 am

      Dear Anonymous, we are really sorry you are having a tough time in your relationship, what a great step you are taking trying to find information and support. We can’t provide advice here but we really recommend ringing one of the helplines to discuss your concerns. The website, Love; The Good, The Bad and the Ugly has some great information about seeking help. http://lovegoodbadugly.com/category/help/ take great care and look after yourself

      Reply
    • Jo says:
      February 11, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      It doesn’t matter. Emotional abuse can be more damaging than physical abuse. Do you want to subject children to this? So that they think this is the norm and maybe end up with partners like that themselves. Any form of abuse is not acceptable.

      Reply
    • Judy says:
      March 19, 2013 at 7:07 am

      I had a similar relationship with my husband. It never turned into physical violence but after 20 years his behaviour never changed. I tried counselling for a long time but he always blamed me. Eventually I walked out. I now have 4 very messed up children who have children of their own who also have problems. WALK AWAY and don’t look back.

      Reply
      • Tania says:
        April 6, 2013 at 1:37 am

        I had in your shoes for 30 years,I have tried and failed,my existence and dream has been stolen and I ended with empty hand. I couldn’t completely get out from the relationship due to my financial condition, every thing has been controlled by him. From last few year I have started to educated myself, taken few vocational training and still doing few courses. Now I am looking for a job,and waiting for new start. I would like to join in human service, so i could stand by others. It is easy to recognize physical violence, but very hard to prove emotional abuse. Usually emotional abuser are highly intelligent,well-spoken and smart
        and maintain huge double stander.They are an expert of controlling, twisting words and manipulating others.These are the main region we women get stuck in this type of relation. But it is never been too late to Walk way or Stand up for your-self than suffering in silence like me.

        Reply
        • lynz says:
          April 8, 2013 at 9:20 am

          So great to hear that you are looking towards a brighter future, and thanks for sharing those important words that it is never too late. Take great care. Lynz – TINO

          Reply
  4. Jasmine says:
    April 24, 2013 at 7:45 am

    Hi I am back with my partner of a past abusive realationship, we have twins that are 19 months old. I am Canadian and have come back to Australia and have been here for 6 months now, and I am already second guessing staying in this relationship. I don’t have many friends here and don’t have many people to talk to. I have noticed after a few months of being here he has gone back to his own ways. Yelling at me controlling me with money and never letting me go out. He yells at me infront of the kids, and yesterday he said he was going to smash me just when I was helping him with something in the back yard, and he lost his temper with me because I was not doing what he asked me to do, I told him I will not let him behaive like that infront of the kids and he agreed later on. But this keeps happening. He talks down at me in public, speaks over me and argues with me all the time, swears around the kids all the time. He has uttered threats to me before and the police got involved but them he tourmented me and made my life hell, I would rather play it cool and not let him know that I want to leave because I need to get back to Canada or at least get a job first. What I am asking is am I going crazy what should I do? I feel like I am crumbling with the stress of raising twins and what he is putting on me. he threatens to kill the dog and hurt her all the time too..he stole my dog before and abandoned her too….Help please…

    Reply
    • lynz says:
      April 25, 2013 at 11:47 am

      Hi Jasmine, our heart goes out to you, the situation sounds very stressful and scarey, and no doubt being away from family and friends makes it even harder for you. It is great that you are noticing signs of the ‘before’ behaviour early and looking for options for yourself but of course the children and the dog. Sadly we can’t give one on one counselling as we are not professional in doing so. I am not sure which state you are from but there are state based services which can help provide you with some guidance and support on what you could do. There is also the national info line 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732): which is 24 hour, National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counselling Line for any Australian who has experienced, or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault. We really encourage you to contact them. I know it is only a little way to help – but in the video section above there are a number of videos from other women who have managed to escape the violence and get their their lives happier and safer – which is what you so deserve. We wish this for you. Please take great care.

      Reply

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