Overview

Domestic violence can occur in many forms and can affect people of any age. If someone is hurting you it can be very scary and it may be hard to know how you can stop it. It is important to remember that no one has the right to be violent towards you and there are people out there who can help.

Topic Videos

Abuse is not OK

Abuse in any form is not OK. Seek help, better times are ahead.

  • Author: Eastern Shore Community House
  • Upload Date: 2013-06-17

Created by START students in Devonport

Stories on this Topic

Featured Story (text)

Andrea's Story

Andrea's Story


A work by Andrea

I was 19 when I started dating my now ex-boyfriend. At first he seemed charming, witty, funny, and adventurous. I fell in love with him right away.

For the first couple of months everything was great, but then the fights started, at first over very petty things, like my not having a special ringtone for him on my phone.

It escalated into things about my behaviour, suddenly everything I was doing was wrong, and I found myself apologising to him several times a day for things I did that upset him, which was nearly everything.

I felt like I was walking on eggshells around him because literally anything I said or did could upset him.

Later, after discovering that he had been sleeping with an ex-girlfriend of his, we fought more than ever. Somehow I held the blame for this too, but yet I still stayed with him. Eventually, we even moved in together.

After thinking that we had finally gotten things right, he left me abruptly. And I found myself alone and with no friends.

How I coped

During our relationship, I had no way to cope except to keep journals that I knew he wouldn't find. I had unintentionally driven away all of my friends and had no outside support. And I could not talk to him about the depression and anxiety I was experiencing as it would upset him and turn into an argument.

Writing down my feelings was a very good outlet.

How the situation changed

My situation changed after he left me for another girl. At first I was devastated, but after looking back and seeing all the abuse I was put through, I was grateful that he left. I only felt sorry for the next girl that he dated.
What helped me

At first, I only had myself to rely on. I had to remind myself that I was strong and independent and that things would get better for me without him.

Later, I reconnected with all of the friends and family members I had driven away during our relationship, and they helped me to realise that this experience has made me a stronger and more driven individual.

My advice to others

Learn to stick up for yourself and don't let yourself fall under the control of a partner. Also, don't take the signs of abuse lightly, and don't brush off your partner's behavior. Just because he's not hitting you does not mean you're not being hurt.

If you feel unhappy in your relationship and feel that you're not being treated as you know you deserve, seek help and do everything you can to get out of it. You deserve to be cherished as the person you are.

Click to read the text

Andreas story of a controlling relationship

  • Author: Andrea
  • Upload Date: 2011-01-18

A real Story from Love The Good The Bad and The Ugly

Factsheet

Provided by Reach Out

We have partnered with Reach Out to bring you the best factsheet information we can on this topic. Reach Out offers information, support and resources to help young people improve their understanding of mental health issues, develop resilience, and increase their coping skills and help-seeking behaviour.

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can occur in many forms and can affect people of any age. If someone is hurting you it can be very scary and it may be hard to know how you can stop it. It is important to remember that no one has the right to be violent towards you and there are people out there who can help.

Below are some of the forms that domestic violence may take.

Physical

If someone is hurting you then you will probably have to take some action. Some forms of physical violence are: pushing, shaking, slapping, forcing you to do sexual things against your will, throwing things at you, damaging your property, hurting or killing pets.

Emotional

This form of violence is often unrecognised and can be very hurtful. Some forms of emotional violence are making threats, speaking in a way that is frightening, putting you down, and emotional blackmail.

Economic

Having money and being able to make decisions about it, is one means of being independent. If someone is controlling your money, keeping you financially dependent, or making you ask for money unreasonably, then this is a form of violence.

Social

This form of violence may happen in conjunction with other forms. If someone is insulting you or teasing you in front of other people, keeping you isolated from family and friends, controlling what you do and where you go, then they are being violent and you may need to take some action.

Spiritual

This violence is about not allowing you to have your own opinions about religion, cultural beliefs, and values.

How can I keep myself safe?

At times we underestimate the amount of danger we are in, either because we don't realise or don't want to accept how dangerous a situation is. Being safe is important and there are things you can do to ensure your safety.
Steps to ensuring your safety:

  • Is there immediate danger? How likely is it that someone would hurt you? If necessary, you may have to move to somewhere safe.
  • Do you have support? Making a decision to leave a situation where you feel unsafe may be hard and scary. If possible, talk to someone you trust, like a friend, a counsellor or youth worker.
  • Talk to the police: If you feel unsafe the police are good people to talk to. If you or someone you know has been hurt, the police will be able to help.
  • Believe in yourself: If someone is hurting you or threatening to, it can be hard to maintain your self-confidence. Remember it is NEVER OK for someone to hurt or threaten to hurt you. Check out the Maintaining healthy self-esteem topic page for more info.
  • Know your rights: It may be a good idea to check out your legal rights. Laws vary from state to state. To find out about your rights check out the Lawstuff website.

Helpful organisations

National Services

Police or ambulance or fire - 000 (Australia only)

Violence Against Women, Australian Says No (Specialises in Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault counseling and referrals) - 1800 200 526

Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277

Mensline Australia - 1300 78 99 78

VIC

Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria, formerly Domestic Violence and Incest Resource Centre (information and referral to local services, lending library and training)
Address: 292 Wellington Street, Collingwood 3066
Phone: (03) 9486 9866 Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm or TTY (03) 9417 2155
Email: dvrcv@dvrcv.org.au

WIRE - Women's Information and Referral Exchange (Information, support and referral for women)

Ph: 9654-6844 (Mon-Fri 9am - 7pm) OR 1800 136 570 (country callers)

Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria (24 hr Crisis support, information, referral to safe accommodation (refuge) for women experiencing abuse in their relationships)
Ph: 03 9373-0123 OR 1800 015 188 (toll free for country users)

Centre Against Sexual Assault Crisis (support, counselling, information for people who have been sexually assaulted)
Ph: 03 9344 2000 (daytime) OR 03 9349-1766 (After Hours Telephone Service) OR 1800 806 292 (Country)

Immigrant Women's Domestic Violence Service (For immigrant women who are victims of domestic violence)
Ph: 03 9898-3145 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)

NSW

Domestic Violence Line (24hr telephone support)
Ph: 1800 656 463 OR 1800 671 442 (TTY)

Rape Crisis Centre - (02) 9819-6565 OR 1800-424-017 (Country Toll Free)

Immigrant Women's Speakout (Association For migrant & refugee women who are victims of violence, counselling, bilingual workers)
Ph: (02) 9635-8022 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)

Victims of Crime Support Line (Twenty Four (24) hour telephone information, support and referral for victims of crime)
Ph: (02) 9374 3000 (metro) OR 1800 633 063 (toll free) OR (02) 9374 3175 (TTY)

ACT

Domestic Violence Crisis Service (24hr telephone counselling, referral)
Ph: (02) 6280 0900 OR (02) 6228 1852 (TTY)

Canberra Rape Crisis Centre (24 hr) - 6247-2525

NT

Domestic Violence Crisis Service, Darwin
Ph: (08) 8945-6200 (9-5 Mon-Fri)

Crisis Line (General crisis counseling - 24hr service) - 1800 019 116

Sexual Assault Referral Centre Counselling (support, information, & 24hr crisis care for recent sexual assault)
Darwin - (08) 8922-7156
Alice Springs - (08) 8951-5880

QLD

Brisbane Rape & Incest Crisis Centre - (07) 3391 0004

Immigrant Women's Support Service (Support for immigrant or refugee women victims of domestic violence, bilingual workers - Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
Domestic Violence (07) 3846-3490
Sexual Assault (07) 3846 5400

SA

Domestic Violence Outreach Service (Telephone and face to face counselling, referral to safe accommodation - 24 hour service 7 days a week) - 1300 782 200

Crisis Care  (After hours crisis support for violence and abuse, suicide, child protection etc, 4pm-9am plus weekends & public.hols) - 08 8124 4424

Women's Information Service of South Australia  - (08) 8303-0590 OR 1800 188 158 OR 0401 989 860 (SMS)

TAS

Domestic Violence Crisis Service (Mon-Fri 9am-Midnight, weekends 4pm-midnight) - (03) 6233 2529 OR 1800 633 937 OR 1800 608 122 (Statewide)

Sexual Assault Support Services (Telephone and face to face counseling) - 03 6231 1811

WA

Women's Refuge Group Telephone (support, referral to safe accommodation, Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) - (08) 9420 7264

Crisis Care Unit (24hr crisis support for violence, child protection, suicide, etc) - (08) 9325-1111 or 1800 199-008 or (08) 9325-1232 (TTY)

Sexual Assault & Referral Centre (24 hr Telephone and face to face counselling, female doctors) - (08) 93401828 or 9340 18 20 or 1800 199-888 (Country callers)

Women's Refuge & Multicultural Service (Outreach support for immigrant women who are victims/ survivors of domestic violence) - (08) 9325-7716

 

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22 Responses to “Domestic Violence”

  1. shantel says:

    how do u tell a story bout domestic violence or who do i talk to

  2. Anna and Rhianna says:

    To all those out there whom have had the courage to tell their story we would just like to say thank you.
    Many of your stories had small parts that could be related to our lives too.
    And helped us understand what its like to experience such horrible things and having the strengh to push through. Being able to have the guts to stand up for yourself and that is something to be proud of. All we can hope for in our lives is to be as strong as you guys. Such an inspiratrion.

  3. anonymous says:

    I am currently in an emotional, financial and socially abusive relationship. My partner has been tormenting me for the last 2 years of our almost 3 year relationship. He has taken control of my finances, my social life and puts me down more than anyone can ever imagine. He demands that we be intimate almost everyday. If I were 100% happy I would want to be intimate with him every minute of everyday but I just can’t bring myself to wanting it more than he does because of my current mentality and emotional status. We want a future of marriage and children but I am afraid that the abuse will eventually become physical. Does his current behavior usually turn into physical abuse for most men in the future or only to a minority?

    • lynz says:

      Dear Anonymous, we are really sorry you are having a tough time in your relationship, what a great step you are taking trying to find information and support. We can’t provide advice here but we really recommend ringing one of the helplines to discuss your concerns. The website, Love; The Good, The Bad and the Ugly has some great information about seeking help. http://lovegoodbadugly.com/category/help/ take great care and look after yourself

    • Jo says:

      It doesn’t matter. Emotional abuse can be more damaging than physical abuse. Do you want to subject children to this? So that they think this is the norm and maybe end up with partners like that themselves. Any form of abuse is not acceptable.

    • Judy says:

      I had a similar relationship with my husband. It never turned into physical violence but after 20 years his behaviour never changed. I tried counselling for a long time but he always blamed me. Eventually I walked out. I now have 4 very messed up children who have children of their own who also have problems. WALK AWAY and don’t look back.

      • Tania says:

        I had in your shoes for 30 years,I have tried and failed,my existence and dream has been stolen and I ended with empty hand. I couldn’t completely get out from the relationship due to my financial condition, every thing has been controlled by him. From last few year I have started to educated myself, taken few vocational training and still doing few courses. Now I am looking for a job,and waiting for new start. I would like to join in human service, so i could stand by others. It is easy to recognize physical violence, but very hard to prove emotional abuse. Usually emotional abuser are highly intelligent,well-spoken and smart
        and maintain huge double stander.They are an expert of controlling, twisting words and manipulating others.These are the main region we women get stuck in this type of relation. But it is never been too late to Walk way or Stand up for your-self than suffering in silence like me.

        • lynz says:

          So great to hear that you are looking towards a brighter future, and thanks for sharing those important words that it is never too late. Take great care. Lynz – TINO

  4. Jasmine says:

    Hi I am back with my partner of a past abusive realationship, we have twins that are 19 months old. I am Canadian and have come back to Australia and have been here for 6 months now, and I am already second guessing staying in this relationship. I don’t have many friends here and don’t have many people to talk to. I have noticed after a few months of being here he has gone back to his own ways. Yelling at me controlling me with money and never letting me go out. He yells at me infront of the kids, and yesterday he said he was going to smash me just when I was helping him with something in the back yard, and he lost his temper with me because I was not doing what he asked me to do, I told him I will not let him behaive like that infront of the kids and he agreed later on. But this keeps happening. He talks down at me in public, speaks over me and argues with me all the time, swears around the kids all the time. He has uttered threats to me before and the police got involved but them he tourmented me and made my life hell, I would rather play it cool and not let him know that I want to leave because I need to get back to Canada or at least get a job first. What I am asking is am I going crazy what should I do? I feel like I am crumbling with the stress of raising twins and what he is putting on me. he threatens to kill the dog and hurt her all the time too..he stole my dog before and abandoned her too….Help please…

    • lynz says:

      Hi Jasmine, our heart goes out to you, the situation sounds very stressful and scarey, and no doubt being away from family and friends makes it even harder for you. It is great that you are noticing signs of the ‘before’ behaviour early and looking for options for yourself but of course the children and the dog. Sadly we can’t give one on one counselling as we are not professional in doing so. I am not sure which state you are from but there are state based services which can help provide you with some guidance and support on what you could do. There is also the national info line 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732): which is 24 hour, National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counselling Line for any Australian who has experienced, or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault. We really encourage you to contact them. I know it is only a little way to help – but in the video section above there are a number of videos from other women who have managed to escape the violence and get their their lives happier and safer – which is what you so deserve. We wish this for you. Please take great care.

    • nikki says:

      hi jasmine. I’m not sure where you are living, but the is a service on the gold coast DVPC(domestic violence prevention centre) http://www.domesticviolence.com.au Mon-Fri 9am to 4pm. They might be able to help you financially to get back to Canada. They helped me with little bit of money to enable me to get myself and my children out of the house quickly and safely. Call them even if you don’t live on the gold coast, they will definitely be able to help you with an organisation close to you. Be careful if he finds out you are planning to leave, things could become unsafe for you and your children. Take care of yourself and your children.
      Edited to include helpline web address for contact numbers

    • Nyra says:

      Hi Jasmine,
      I have only just found this page and read your email. If you are in Victoria there is a fantastic non-profit organisation called WAYSS who can help you. I can not begin to tell you how much they have helped my son and I and how grateful I am for finding them. I too was in an unhealthy relationship for 29yrs with three children thinking it was better for me to stay because of the children. How wrong I was. Now I am out of this situation and looking forward to a brighter future with the support of the many services that are available in our community. Good luck and god bless.

  5. Steve Andrews says:

    To Whom,
    I would like to be able to give a contact phone No of your services to a friend I have who is suffering from domestic Violence, whether physical or Verbal and she needs to seek help to get out of the place where she is staying at.
    IS THERE A PHONE No I CAN GIVE HER SO SHE CAN RING YOU.

    THANKYOU

    • lynz says:

      Hi Steve – how wonderful that you are trying to help your friend out – unfortunately we do not provide one on one counselling but there are many great services which can help. I am not sure which state your friend is in, but if you call some of the national lines first they should be able to direct you to a local service which can assist. Here is the page with contact numbers: http://www.tuneinnotout.com/topics/finding-help/

  6. Danni says:

    Hi,
    I am 24 years old and currently live at home with my father and younger 16year old brother. Our mum passed away from cancer last year in January. My dad is a drinker and always has been, so the problem here, is that he is agro and shitty even whilst he’s not drinking now because he has become a dry drunk.
    The reason for this post is cause of an argument I had with dad 3 nights ago. I’ve been putting up with this for as long as I can remember but this time I just cant anymore.
    Our argument was stupid, but he’d been drinking and took it off into so many different tangents. He told me I was like a terrier which is a dog and said I was biting at his heels and keep yapping. he told me I was hopeless and that I do nothing and that he bends over backwards for me. I’ve been running this house since mum died – he’s never done anything for me and my brother cause he;s always been drunk! Mum did everything – I now pay his bills, do his BAS statement and all his book work for the business. So, he abused me the other night and now hes not talking to me. There have been other times we have gone months without talking, but I’ve always had mum so I didnt care. He told me he’s glad I feel uncomfortable here and that the sooner I move out the better.
    I have been looking for rentals, but they’re all so expensive and I live in a small town. I am a teacher, but currently unemployed. I do Casual work, but its not guaranteed. I need to get out and have no extended family either and am also not wanting to leave my brother :(

    • lynz says:

      Danni – so sorry to hear what a really tough time you are having – the certainly are hopeless, how amazing that you have taken on a such a big role and showing such love and care for your brother – we think you are amazing. Sadly we can’t provide one on one counselling here at TINO but we really encourage you to try a few services to find out what help is available for you – headspace http://www.headspace.org.au would be a great starting point – they have services across the country so hopefully one near you – but they also have online services – they will hopefully be able to help direct or get you in touch with the right services. Take great care and stay safe. Lynsey

    • lynz says:

      Hi Danni, we are so sorry to hear what a really tough time you are having, there is a lot going on for you – how great you are looking for some help, that is a lot to be taking on alone. You certainly are not hopeless, how amazing are you taking on such a big role in your family and showing such love and care for your younger brother. Sadly we can’t provide you with one on one counselling here but we can point in the direct of those that do. headspace would be a great place to start at – they have local services across the country, as well as online services. http://www.headspace.org.au Take great care, and please take that the next step to finding help – you deserve it. Lynsey

  7. rod says:

    my partner has a domestic violence order against her.we r planning a trip to france and Italy.can order stop us from traveling in these countries

    • lynz says:

      Hi Rod, sorry we don’t know the answer o that question, but would suggest contact passport office to find out. Thanks Lynsey

  8. Mekenzie says:

    My best friend is in a relationship with a 21 year old, and she is 15, she knows its wrong but she can’t seem to leave him, hes doesn’t physically abuse her, but he controls her, and has pushed every friend she has aways from her, and black mailed them (including me) but as im the only one who has stayed he begun abusing me to, im 17 and i’m in a relationship with a 18 year old who is very helpful, but he has a very bad temper on him too, and he both physically and mentally abuses me, i live with my boyfriend as my mum has passed away and my dad is a drunk and used to hit me when i was at home, my friend EL that i was speaking about before lives with me too, as her father does the same, and her parents have split up,ii’m not sure what do to, my boyfriend only has out bursts every now and then, every other time hes kind and caring and helps me through ALOT and i love him very much, im more concerned about the relationship EL has with this 21 year old. HELP.
    Edit by TINO [name of friend changed]

    • lynz says:

      Hi MeKenzie, wow what a great friend you are to be looking out for your friend so well. It is great you do have support from your boyfriend, but even the occasional outburst is not Ok if it is putting your safety at risk. Sadly we cant provide one on one counselling here on TINO but we really advise calling a few of the help services to get some professional advice – headspace is great and they may have a centre near you that you can attend, otherwise you can contact them via their internet or telephone service. Perhaps you and EL could support each other and go together? Please take great care and give headspace a call and see how it goes http://www.eheadspace.org.au

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