We have partnered with Reach Out to bring you the best factsheet information we can on this topic. Reach Out offers information, support and resources to help young people improve their understanding of mental health issues, develop resilience, and increase their coping skills and help-seeking behaviour.

It seems like everyone talks about sex - friends, TV shows, magazines, movies, family. Sometimes it’s hard to work out what’s true, or what information you need to make a decision about becoming sexually active for the first time.
It’s normal to feel excited or anxious when thinking about first time sex. Just remember that there’s no right or wrong time to become sexually active - it varies for each person. It may take time to decide what and when is right for you.

Being sexually active can mean different things to different people, and can include different activities with partners that are the opposite sex, the same sex, or both. Sex is about giving and receiving pleasure in a way that is comfortable for both people.

Am I ready for sex?

There may be several reasons why you might choose to become sexually active:

• Thinking it might be fun
• You are in love and it feels right
• It feels good
• As a sign of commitment
• Feeling emotionally ready to be sexually active
• After thinking about it from all sides and getting information, you feel informed and ready
• Feeling prepared and ready to practice safer sex
• You are curious and want to experiment
• Thinking all your friends are “doing it”

There may be several reasons why you might choose not to have sex:

• Not feeling ready or comfortable right now
• Haven’t found the right person
• You have religious or cultural reasons
• Feeling more anxious than excited
• Not having the means to practice safer sex (e.g. you don’t have a condom or dam with you at the time)
• Not wanting to respond to pressure from your friends or partner
• Too young legally - for more information on consent check out www.lawstuff.org.au
• Feeling you don’t have to prove yourself by having sex
• You are not sure what this would mean for you and if you are ready to feel different about yourself

It is really important that you feel like you are able to talk to your partner about how you feel, any worries you have about having sex and using contraception. It can be weird and embarrassing to have this sort of conversation, but if you’re not comfortable enough to talk about it, then maybe you aren’t ready to have sex. Check out our Talking about sex topic page

Some facts about first time sex

There may be a lot of questions that come up in your mind when you’re thinking about being sexually active for the first time. It’s not always easy to find the answers you need. Here are some common myths that people may believe about first time sex - and the facts!:

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant or a sexually transmitted infections the first time

FACT: Yes you can! When thinking about being sexually active, you need to consider protecting yourself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections by practising safer sex by using protection - this will not necessarily make sex less enjoyable. The important thing is to be safe. To find out more about safer sex contact FPA Healthline 1300 65 88 86 or your nearest sexual health centre (check out  Reach Out's Finding Help section).

MYTH: First time sex will hurt

FACT: For some people, first time sex can be pleasurable, comfortable, and fun. For others, first time sex does feel uncomfortable - it could even hurt. Pain during sex could mean you don’t have enough lubrication or need to try a different position. It could also mean your partner is going too fast or using too much pressure or that you are nervous. It could be a combination of all of these. If it is hurting, stop and talk to your partner. Try some more lubrication or a different position or ask your partner to go slower. If it is hurting too much, then stop because it shouldn’t be too painful. It’s important to talk to your partner about these issues and work out ways to make sex more comfortable.

Sometimes the first time, for girls, there might be some bleeding, this should not last long and is the result of the hymen rupturing (which is normal). If pain or bleeding continues, it’s important to talk to a health practitioner. It can be a good idea to talk to someone about your feelings about sex. Contact FPA Healthline 1300 65 88 86, your GP or your nearest sexual health centre.

MYTH: The first time will be perfect

FACT: TV and movies often glamorise the first time, which may give unrealistic expectations about what it’s really like. It’s OK if the first time is not perfect. It’s not uncommon to feel awkward or self-conscious about your body or sex. And sometimes unexpected things happen when having first time sex, so it’s good to feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

What happens after I have sex?

After you have sex, especially if it’s your first time, you might experience a whole lot of emotional stuff – some good emotions, some confusing. For example, some people might feel worried or guilty, or sex might enhance your feelings of affection for the other person. If you are having trouble dealing with these issues yourself, you may want to talk with your partner, or with other people you can trust, such as friends, family members or a counsellor.

Check out our What is sex like and FAQ page for more info.

Deciding when to be sexual with someone else

Being sexual is a very personal way of communicating with someone else. It is a physical way of expressing love and affection. Being sexual is a personal choice and it is not uncommon to take time to make the decision. It may help to know that love doesn't equal sex. Relationships can be happy without being sexual.

Talking about sex with the person who you are sexually attracted to, whether they are a friend, acquaintance, or even your partner, may help you both work out if you want to begin a sexual relationship with them. Try to talk about your expectations, and what you expect from them. If it is relevant don't forget to talk about contraception. If you decide to have sex remember:

• Sex must be consensual, that means both of you want to have sex - that you are both ready.
• Do it safely, use protection.

Suggestions for safe sex

It is always a good idea to engage in 'safe sex'. This means making sure you don't risk becoming pregnant unless you want to, or catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI's - like HIV and AIDS, herpes, chlamydia, or gonorrhea).

It is a good idea to find out about safe sex (see our contraception topic page) and how different STI's are passed on. Using condoms with water-based lubricants and also using dental dams are one way to protect yourself from some STIs. You may like to be informed about how to prevent unwanted pregnancy or STI's before you take any risks. You can do this by:

• Checking out some of our other topic pages, via the orange menu on the left
• Checking out the Family Planning site
• Talking with health workers at your local community health centre
• Visit your doctor or someone from Family Planning

Saying "No"

Being in a sexual relationship can be very enjoyable and rewarding when that relationship is negotiated and agreed on by both people. Sometimes people think they can demand that someone be sexual with them, or force them to have sex against their will. Remember no-one has the right to force you into sexual contact with them, you have the right to say "No". Don't let yourself be intimidated into having sex with anyone. See our section on Sex and Consent for more info.

When can I legally have sex?

The laws for when you are able to have sex vary depending according to which Australian State or country you live in. Check our Lawstuff for details in your state.

More Information

If you want more information you may want to contact:

Your local sexual health centre, provide a free and confidential service

Family Planning Health, offer information and clinics for young people. FPA Healthline on 1300 65 88 86

Youth Health Service, often have booklets and information about safe sex and other youth health issues.

Other services:

Call the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service in your state or territory:

ACT
Gay and Lesbian Telephone Help Referral and Outreach Bureau (THROB) - 02 6247 2726

QLD
Gay and Lesbian Welfare Association
(07) 3252 2997 (7-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

SA
Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service
(08) 8422 8400 (Mon- Fri 7-10pm, Sat 2-5pm & 7-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 182 233

NSW
Gay and Lesbian Line (02) 8594 9596
(5.30pm-10.30pm daily)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

VIC
Gay and Lesbian Switchboard (03) 98278544
(6-10pm daily, Wed 2-10pm)
Toll free (rural areas): 1800 184 527

WA
Youthline (08) 9486 9855 (Tuesdays 1-4pm)

TAS
Gay and Lesbian Switchboard - 1800 184 527